Chapter Two: Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out Of My Hat…
A Push Girl is in demand everywhere, be it in the club, at a bar, during a pool party, at work, at a dinner, or in the aisles of the grocery store – but they do like to go out at night with an eye for the hotties. But when a Push Girl rolls in, you need to be ready because, trust me, there’s always a line to get an audience with our girls. They’re in control – and if you can’t give her what she needs, she can always get it herself…
How To Stop A Push Girl in Her Tracks
Guys, let’s be clear: just because a lady is in a wheelchair, doesn’t mean SAHS (Scrubs Apply Here Situation). For your visual pleasure, let’s check out Ange’s ex husband, Dustin Nguyen:
And Auti’s husband, a Donald Faison lookalike if I do say so myself:
We’re not exactly talking the bottom of the barrel. You need to up your game if you’re gonna play in a Push Girls ballpark. And that means you need to grow some balls and exude confidence, self-esteem and above all else: BE NICE. Remember how your mother always told you to look at how a guy treats the waiter because that’s how he will eventually treat you? Well, turns out, she was right. Yes, it killed me to type that. Snapping your fingers and pseudo-confidently issuing orders will get you nowhere.
How to Make A Push Girl Disappear – Real Fast
So, you’re ready to introduce yourself, and you’re a little nervous – hey, who wouldn’t be? – but grab ahold of yourself and don’t let the nervous chatter lead you down the dark, solo path.
“I have a lot of patience,” Mia says, “But if a guy is just talking constantly and doesn’t ask me any questions and is completely self-obsessed, that’s boring. Boring is a turn off.”
Another no no? Pity the poor paraplegic.
“It’s a turn-off when a guy treats you like you’re paralyzed,” Angela says. The guy who can make you feel like a woman and make you forget all that – that’s the man!”
And then, of course, there’s the old standby: the pick up line. Now, let’s be clear: I am not against the use of an inventive truly funny and complimentary pick up line. But those, my friends, are few and far, far between. Pick up lines usually fall into the “OH DEAR GOD NO, PLEASE SHUT UP, YOU WERE SO CUTE WHEN YOU WEREN’T TALKING” category. So, let’s stay on the safe side and stick with “Hey, I’m (fill in your name here), what’s your name?” But for all of our amusements…
Pick Up Lines That Have Actually Been Uttered To A Push Girl That Must Never, Ever Be Used Again … Unless Of Course You Are A Horse’s Ass And Then Sir, The Barn Outside Is To The Left:
You know those lines – the really dull, obvious one ones unimaginative people use like “Hey Slim!” to a big boned person, “What’s up, shorty?” to a tall lady or “How’s the weather down there?” to David Spade. Our ladies have also heard their share of inanities. If you’d like to see a Push Girl evaporate before your eyes, just utter one of these awful lines:
“Can I Have A Ride?” (Please note: this was not in reference to a car journey).
“You’re going too fast, Speedy!”
“Flashy chair – you have sex in that thing?”
“You’re so pretty, it sucks that you’re in a wheelchair.”
These men are no doubt, still living with their mothers.
And let’s be real clear here – a Push Girl doesn’t need you to get off. She can always go home and fend for herself.
A Push Girl knows that just because a guy ain’t in the picture doesn’t mean they can’t get some.
Sometimes downtime from a relationship might be better than the options out there at that moment.
Auti must have broken a mirror in that category way back before Eric, because she took a hiatus for seven years. Yes, you read that right: SEVEN YEARS. She must have been real good to herself!
“I was my best friend,” Auti says. “I had shower heads, fingers, tub faucets…” But for Angela, a quadriplegic, masturbation is not so much a solo venture. For her, it’s a little more… complicated.
“Can I masturbate?” Angela asks, “Put it this way: I can do anything that I put my little heart to – but there’s gonna be some assistance involved. Maybe prop me up, put some pillows behind me, give me the toy – whatever.” Toys you say? Auti and Angela once went on a naughty shopping trip as Auti reminded Ange in this conversation: “”You can (masturbate). We went to the Pleasure Chest and found you toys!”
For more on relationships, dating, and sex read Chapter 3 of ‘The Push Girls’ Guide to Getting Your Groove On’ by Paula Froelich (@PFRO).
Watch the all new season of Push Girls, Mondays 10pm.
Paula Froelich (@PFRO) – journalist, novelist, NATJA award-winning travel writer, queen of random, fun facts, and social anthropologist.