Chapter One: Before We Go Any Further, Let’s Get Some Shizz Straight
Unlike some of you out there (you know who you are), Push Girls aren’t sitting around on a Saturday night in their jammies cramming their mouth full of Mallo-Mars and drunkenly crooning Barry Manilow tunes to their cats while applying zit masks to their faces (those apartment walls are real thin girl, real thin). Instead, our heroines are more likely to be found rolling around a local hotspot in heels, a pencil skirt and sizzle-me-till-Sunday lipstick with a trail of drooling suitors in their wake.
“How do they do it?” you ask, lowering your voice so no one can hear you. “I mean, for Chrissake – they’re in a wheelchair! Okay, so their wheels are custom hot, but… what the hell? Can they even feel it down there?”
Oh, you silly girl. Can they feel it? Ha! Ladybird, they rock it. And trust: you could learn some tricks from them that’ll get you out of that fuzzy onesie and onto the Push Girls’ dance floor.
We know, you have so many questions and so we here at Sundance, feeling bad for you uninformed onesie wearing masses, have decided to elucidate you on the world of wheels… and sex. you know, the good stuff. But before we can go any further, and get to the reeeeeally good stuff, we knew we needed to dedicate this first chapter to that family of annoying elephants who won’t leave the damn living room:
Don’t Bother Calling the ASPCA – The Kitties Are Alive And Well
So your Spinal Cord got messed up and you can’t move your legs, that doesn’t mean you’re out of juice.
“I think people can figure out that you can have sex, but what I think they’re asking is, ‘Do you enjoy it and can you have an orgasm?’” Mia said.
Angela, a quadriplegic and enthusiastic sexer adds: “I can feel all up inside there and left labia and clitoris and yeah, I can feel it.”
So, there’s that. Now, onto the next few elephants:
How and who do people in wheelchairs date?
How much time do you have? “Before the first season of the show aired, I think a lot more people were wondering like, ‘Hmmm. Can they go on dates? If they go on dates, it’s probably with people in wheelchairs?” Tiphany laughed. “Please. I’m like, if you have blue eyes does that mean you only date people with blue eyes?”
To Talk (About The Chair), or To Not Talk – That Is The Question!
Remember that scene in “Austin Powers: Goldmember” with Austin (Mike Meyers) and Number Three (Fred Savage) – who happened to be a mole and at the very same time had a huge mole on his face? Austin refuses to acknowledge the large mole and it ends up infiltrating every word in his speech.
It’s a little like that with the chair. It’s there. Push Girls know it’s there because they spend a large portion of their day sitting in it. It’s cool to talk talk about it – because if you don’t, like some messed up Jedi Mind trick, pretty soon it’s gonna be an issue. And besides, talking about a Push Girl’s chair is a little like talking about your nose. Yes, we have noses. Mine is a little large, but fits my face, thank you very much. I also use it to smell things and sometimes hang a spoon off it. Now, how ‘bout those Mets?
“Starting a conversation about the wheelchair is actually helpful,” according to Mia. “As soon as I’m able to have a conversation with someone, then I’m able to breakdown the wheelchair so it’s not an issue. But until we have that talk, they’re just going to see WHEELCHAIR, WHEELCHAIR – RED FLAG – WHEELCHAIR!” So tuck away that self-manufactured embarrassment and have a chat. You might just find out, as Mia notes, “The wheelchair doesn’t mean that much – that’s the point.”
Yeah, yeah, I get it, Push Girls can do a lot of stuff, but come on, there’s got to be some stuff they can’t do…
Well, actually… not really. Tiphany works out like a demon, Auti has a dance squad, Mia goes hiking and Angela is a full time foodie. And they are all fiercely independent.
“I don’t need you to pick me up,” says Tiph. “I fricking drive.. and don’t ask me what color my minivan is – are you fricking kidding me? I don’t drive a fucking minivan. I drive a Mustang!”
“I think guys assume when they see a wheelchair that I’m going to be needy or need their help for everything,” Mia laughed. “But it’s actually the opposite. I end up helping them most of the time. The only thing I need help with is changing lightbulbs… and I don’t even need a guy to do that.”
For more on relationships, dating, and sex read Chapter 2 of ‘The Push Girls’ Guide to Getting Your Groove On’ by Paula Froelich (@PFRO).
Watch the all new season of Push Girls, Mondays 10pm.
Paula Froelich (@PFRO) – journalist, novelist, NATJA award-winning travel writer, queen of random, fun facts, and social anthropologist.