"EYE-OPENING, POWERFUL AND EMOTIONALLY NUANCED."THE DAILY BEAST
Push Girls
A SUNDANCE TV ORIGINAL SERIES
starring Angela Rockwood, Tiphany Adams, Auti Angel, Mia Schaikewitz and Chelsie Hill

PUSH GIRLS: Auti pushes back the privacy curtain on fertility, abortion, and more

“Hope It’s Not Too Late” came with some real talk on relationships and abortion. It was also a very intimate episode for us. Auti really put herself out there with some personal scenes this week where she took us to the fertility clinic (and into the ob-gyn exam room, yikes!) to get evaluated as she and Eric start working on a baby. And she revealed that she had an abortion in her youth, shortly after her accident.

Talking about abortion can be hard, especially on national television, where you know everyone’s watching (and in a culture where “vagina” is treated like a four letter word). Auti was really courageous to discuss her experiences so frankly, and to talk about some of the regrets she experiences over the abortion; I think Mia was right when she told Auti it was clearly the right choice at the time, but that doesn’t make the memory any less intense for Auti, who clearly experiences a great deal of sadness about it. The fear she’s experiencing, that her abortion made it impossible for her to have children, isn’t uncommon, and must be unbearably awful when you’re trying to have a baby.

With two miscarriages behind her in addition to the abortion, Auti is obviously really worried about whether she’ll be able to have a child, especially at her age. As the fertility specialist reminded her and Eric during their appointment, the clock is ticking on Auti’s eggs. In fact, given Auti’s general level of health, eggs may be the biggest concern, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who grinned during the ultrasound when the doctor said:

“Lotta eggs. We have something to work with.”

I’m rooting for Auti and Eric, because having a baby at this age can come with some serious increased risks, especially when you add Auti’s paraplegia to the mix. Auti’s sheer force of will stands out throughout this series — not for nothing is she called the firecracker — but there are some things that don’t always bend to your will, no matter how much you want them.

That’s when it becomes especially important to have friends, and the girls are rallying around Auti with lots of support and love. Whether it’s Mia pushing her to go to the doctor for an evaluation or Angela reminding her that she is a powerful woman and it’s okay to forgive herself for the things in her past, Auti is clearly getting the backup she needs from her posse.

Favorite quote, from Mia: “Now is the time. It’s so right.”

If you can’t stand up, stand out! PUSH GIRLS airs on Mondays at 10P.