We’re often asked what’s “normal” when it comes to sex frequency, and we always decline to answer — we hate to use the word “normal” when it comes to sex, period. That’s something that you’ve got to figure out on your own time, and we refuse to judge you (unless you like to do it while listening to Mariah Carey). But if you’d like to know what the average American is doing — at least, according to Trojan, and we admit that it might be in their interest to exaggerate our sexual activity to get us keeping up with the Joneses — then a new survey will enlighten you. It’s the Trojan 2010 U.S. Sex Census.
Article: How sexually adventurous are you?
photo via Flickr Sex advice site GoodInBed.com recently conducted a survey on boredom in long-term relationships and how that effects sex. The survey of about 3000 mostly hetero men and women found that 25% of the sample reported feeling bored in their relationship, with an additional 25% of the sample on the brink of boredom;…
Damn you American Idol, for covering up Lady Gaga’s penis heels with your logo!
The latest craze in luxury sex accessories: $5 dollar condoms.
Forget about going blind, it’s going deaf that you have to worry about: Forty-seven men have reported hearing loss from Viagra.
Article: The Lover's Dictionary
The nameless narrator of David Levithan’s novel The Lover’s Dictionary narrates his relationship in the form of dictionary definitions of words, from aberrant to zenith. Some definitions are a page long, others just a sentence. Which makes it sound gimmicky and cute and Twitterific, but this book is anything but. It’s moving, hilarious, heartbreaking and smart. It’s also something of a guessing game, because the definitions leap back and forth across the span of the relationship. This book is a poignant reminder that words can say everything and nothing — and the same goes for the spaces and the pauses between them. Levithan’s is a spare tale and yet it feels universal, especially because the narrator addresses his partner as a nameless, gender-less “you.” But enough with all this wordiness, let’s just show you what we mean with a few of our favorite entries:
Have you ever glanced over at the alarm clock on your night-stand during sex and calculated exactly how many hours are left until it rings? An extended 69 or a slow and sensual love-making sesh is suddenly much less appealing when every minute of pleasure is a minute less of shut-eye. Which might explain a recent study which found that 8 in 10 people would choose a good night’s sleep over sex. But what if you didn’t have to choose, what if you could have both sleep and sex? Hello, quickie!
In the first book the two of us wrote together, a sex manual called The Big Bang, we included the throwaway line “multiple orgasms for men — sorry, that’s a whole ‘nother book.” (What can we say, we only had a few hundred pages to work with, and it seemed to us that women who had never had any orgasms of any kind deserved a bit of attention.) Well, a reader named Alan Oberman wrote to us recently to say, “It doesn’t have to be a book. I’ve written an article, based on personal discovery, on how man can become multi-orgasmic.” He’s been so pleased with the results that he asked if he could share his experience with our readers — and given how many men write to us asking about this topic, how could we say no? (Though we must admit that we did demur when it came to hearing about Alan’s personal experience building his own perfect artificial vagina!) So, without further ado, here is Alan’s story, in his own words:
Sex chat at the water cooler can lead to depression and low productivity, study finds.
A Florida boy is pulled from class for wearing high heels.
A massive internet study finds that we are all sexual deviants.
It doesn’t just happen in Thailand. Sex trafficking in the U.S. is called “an epidemic.”
Article: Top 10 most underrated sex acts
After more than a decade in the sex writing biz, we have seen our share of sexual gimmicks come and go. Today, we would like to highlight ten perennially under-praised sex acts. Think of it as under-doggie-style! (See yesterday’s post for the Top 10 Most Overrated Sexual Acts).
Using lube. It’s not a crutch, it’s not “insulting” or “slutty” or “presumptuous” to keep some in your nightstand, and it makes sex better for everyone. What’s not to love?
Manual sex. A.k.a. “hand jobs,” though we think that calling it that undermines all the heavy lifting they’re capable of doing in the bedroom. And look, Ma, no STDs!
Article: Top 10 most overrated sex acts
After more than a decade in the sex writing biz, we have seen our share of sexual gimmicks come and go, many of them vastly overrated. Below are the top ten sexual acts that, while they may be more substantial than gimmicks, continue to get more accolades than they deserve. Also, check out the Top 10 Most Underrated Sexual Acts — a.k.a. under-doggie-style — that we’ll feature tomorrow.
Threeways. Too many elbows, too few orgasms. Also, there’s the jealousy, the insecurity, and the awkward post-coital cuddling and/or brunch. ‘Nuff said?
The 69 position. Kind of like communism: great in theory, not in practice.
Simultaneous orgasms. What is that saying, the great is the enemy of the good? Sure, the simultaneous O is awesome when it happens, but individual orgasms are pretty dandy, too. And sometimes, an alternating spotlight is a good idea — especially if that thing that pushes your partner over the edge requires a certain degree of concentration and/or skill.
For the past few weeks we’ve been talking about sex that hurts — and not in a heartache kind of way. Two weeks ago we published an excerpt from When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain. Then last week we published a basic overview of the causes of painful sex. So many women still don’t admit to having this problem — they may write in to an anonymous advice column like ours, but they won’t necessarily admit it to their gynecologist. Today we present a Q&A with Dr. Caroline Pukall and Dr. Andrew Goldstein, coauthors of When Sex Hurts, addressing some of the most common questions they hear about painful sex.
What is the most common cause of sexual pain?
There are many causes of sexual pain, the most common being vestibulodynia, the most common type of vulvodynia, which is chronic vulvar pain which has no known cause. Vestibulodynia is characterized by a severe burning pain at the entrance of the vagina during activities that involve vaginal penetration; the most common complaint of women with this condition is dyspareunia — pain during sexual intercourse. Women with vestibulodynia may also have pain during nonsexual activities, such as gynecological examinations.
In French tickler news: Our male ancestors had penile spines.
Among gay men, penis size correlates with bedroom roles (the bigger, the bossier, i.e. tops).
Last week we talked about when sex hurts, and why so many women still don’t admit to having this problem. It’s something that we, as sex writers, hear about constantly — it’s a sad but true fact that many women are more open with sex advice columnists than their own gynecologists — so we thought that focusing on this topic for a few weeks would, at the very least, prove that there’s a certain comfort to knowing you’re not alone. And knowing you’re not alone may give you the courage to speak up — to your partner and to your doctor. This week, the authors of the new book When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain, give a basic overview of the causes of painful sex. For more information about any of the below, you can check out their book or talk to your doctor. Actually, whether you buy the book or not, please, for the love of sex, do talk to your gynecologist if sex hurts. It’s their freakin’ job to fix it, okay? No matter what you may have been taught.
We’ve been writing about sex for more than ten years, and when we started out, the topic that our female readers wanted to hear about most was orgasms — how to have them (either solo or with a partner), how to have them more often, how to have different kinds, how to have them simultaneously with a partner, how to stop faking them, and so on. Well, the Big O is still a favorite topic, but these days it practically ties with another topic: painful sex. (And we’re not talking about the attending heartbreak, though consistent physical pain during intercourse can itself be heartbreaking, of course.) We don’t necessarily think that sex is suddenly more painful for women, but rather that it’s becoming more acceptable to talk about the fact that, for women especially, sometimes sex can hurt like a motherfucker…not to put too fine a point on it. But too many women still fail to speak up. So we were thrilled to hear about a new book that focuses on this topic: When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain, by Andrew Goldstein, MD, Caroline Pukall, PhD, and Irwin Goldstein, MD. We definitely don’t have nearly enough letters after our names to adequately address the issues involved here! The authors were kind enough to allow us to publish an excerpt from the first chapter of their book, which you can read below. Check back in next week for their summary of the various causes of painful sex, and the week after that for a Q&A with the authors, in which they address some of the most common question they hear about painful sex.
- Northwestern University human sexuality class has live demonstration by a kinky couple (we’d feel better about that if the guy had been naked too and hadn’t been wielding a modified power tool).
- HuffPo has a DOMA “for Dummies” rundown.
- Egads: half of US men have HPV!
Article: ORGASM INC will raise a stink
I probably know less about female orgasms than anyone on the planet—even former boy band members–but Liz Canner knows a lot about them, even more than pharmaceutical companies do.
In fact, when she took on a job editing erotic videos for such a company’s drug trials in their attempt to market a female Viagra, Canner’s intellectual G spot was awakened and she realized the bizarre situation she’d landed in needed to be a documentary.
The strongly executed result, Orgasm Inc, is an alarming look at the way big business tries to manipulate the public by creating diseases, then marketing the supposed cure.
On the eve of the film’s February 11 opening in New York and Chicago (before it goes to L.A. and DVD), I spoke with Canner about her orgasmic achievement.
We were going to do a top ten list but there are so many disturbing movies made about sex, we had to bump it up to 20. Let us know if there are any others you think should have made the cut.
Irreversible: If you can get through the first ten minutes of hard-core sex and violence at the gay club (subtly called “Rectum”) in this brutal movie about rape and revenge, then you’ve got a stronger constitution than we do.
Breaking the Waves: The simple-minded wife of a newly disabled man misinterprets his desire for her to find the pleasure he can no longer deliver elsewhere and engages in riskier and riskier behavior until she (spoiler alert) ends up killed via gang bang. The feel good movie of 1996!
Article: Can best friends be sex friends?
You gotta love a movie trailer with lots of swear words, nudity, sex scenes and menstruation references. We don’t think we’ve looked forward to an Ashton Kucher vehicle since “Dude, Where’s My Car,” but the “restricted” trailer (NOT one of the many sanitized-for-tv versions) for his next flick, “No Strings Attached,” co-starring the ever-present Natalie…
Article: Playing with Google's new tool (heh)
We’re totally hooked on Google’s new book search tool, which lets you search and graph the frequency of words in millions of books from 1800 to today. You can even compare and contrast two words or phrases to see how they fare in print over the years. It’s intended for scholars, but it’s free for anyone to use. “We wanted to show what becomes possible when you apply very high-turbo data analysis to questions in the humanities,” said one of the geniuses behind the toy — er, tool. He calls the method “culturomics” — which is a hell of a lot catchier than the tool’s title: the Books Ngram Viewer (gotta love the nerd factor). We took the tool for a test drive…
Article: The best sex and love news of 2010
Yesterday we told you about the sex and love news from 2010 that most pissed us off and/or depressed us — dubious studies, dubious reporting, and rampant STDs, et al. Today we hope to put a smile back on your face with some of the love and sex news that most inspired us. You’re welcome.
A kink study finds that the majority of men are open to fetishes once you get them behind closed doors. Just don’t expect them to dish about it over Monday Night Football.
College gals finally close the marriage gap — new research shows that white women with college degrees are just as likely to marry as those who didn’t graduate from college.
Okay, so yesterday we told you that the web is “luring” more women into porn addiction — but there’s a silver lining. We finally have proof that women are visual creatures too!
Article: The Map of Non-Monogamy
According to Franklin Veaux’s personal website, he is an atheist/transhumanist/computer hacker/BDSM switch who owns a small graphic design and training firm and is into Apple computers, World of Warcraft, tattoos, piercing, photography and polyamory. He’s the guy who did that awesome Map of Human Sexuality a while back. And now he’s done the official Map…
Article: Anal, orgasms, and advertising
One of the most popular and commented-on posts of our home site, EMandLO.com, is about strap-on sex. It’s not exactly a point of pride for us. We’re much more about the happy feel-good feminist relationship posts. And we worry that this prominent butt-sex mention is what keeps the advertisers away (of course, it could be the vibrators we peddle in our sidebar). But then we see Bank of America and Bing ads right along side Slate’s article “Riddle of the Sphincter,” about the correlation between anal sex and orgasms for women, and we can’t help but think “No fair!”
Aruliden, the NY-based product design consultancy, has created a super luxe sex-toy chess set for New York City’s high-end sex accouterments shop, Kiki de Montparnasse. According to Fast Company’s Co.Design site, the 32-piece set made of medical-grade silicone and ABS with gold-plated detailing will be available late November/early December, just in time for the holidays for the filthy rich. Because the most obscene thing about the item is its price tag: a cool 7000 cucumbers!
One of the films we’re most excited to see in the next few months is the indie-flick 12 years in the making, “Blue Valentine,” starring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling and out December 31st. It’s an intimate portrait — almost documentary style — of a relationship/marriage over the course of several years, cross-cutting between different time periods. There was very little rehearsing, lots of time spent together in character before shooting, picking fights on the days they were filming fights. The two actors are on the cover of W magazine this month, with an interview by Lynn Hirschberg inside, in which they discuss, among other things, the very intense sex scenes:
Article: Bad Sex Advice at the Local Car Wash
Normally we don’t bother covering books that we think are terrible, but every now and then we can’t resist. There’s a book available for sale at a car wash (seriously) in L.A. called WTF? How to Survive 101 of Life’s Worst F-ing Situations. (That’s the name of the book, not the car wash, by the way.) And it turns out that one of life’s “worst f-ing situations” is when your girlfriend wants to be exclusive. Another f-ing disaster is when she wants to get a little kinky in the bedroom. It’s as if the authors are actually trying to piss us off. And it worked.