Please note: This list is not for the squeamish, the prudish or the politically correct. Spoiler alert! You’ve been warned.
The average male thinks about sex about 10 times a day. The average woman about 7. But we’re here to up the ante with this list of thought-provoking stories about everything from fantasies to fetishes–and beyond.
All top ten lists are, by their nature, subjective, but this one is especially so–because one person’s “WTF” sex scene is another person’s monkey spanking material. (Exhibit A: We’d qualify a lot of porn as WTF.) That’s said, here are 10 scenes that make us scratch our heads.
Funny sex scenes are often our favorite kind. Ironically, they tend to portray much more realistic sex than their serious, sultry counterparts–in funny sex scenes, you get weirdness, kink, awkwardness, jealousy, fantasy — oh yeah, and condoms. Below are ten times we laugh out loud while watching people roll around on the sheets.
Semi-nude or semi-clothed–are you an optimist or a pessimist? Whatever your view, these 10 movies have mastered the art of the almost-but-not-quite tease.
There always comes a time in an interviewer’s piece when she realizes, “Dangit – that was good. But It just doesn’t fit…” And with the Push Girls there’s always more good stuff. So we decided to give you a bonus chapter if you will – full of fun facts and random answers to questions that may or may not have even been (verbally) asked.
Let’s not muck around, shall we? No one wants a little Lord Fauntleroy in the sack, gingerly prancing about. Remember, just because a Push Girl can’t walk doesn’t mean she’s a flimsy little flower.
“Most guys who are with us for the first time don’t want to ‘break’ us again, so they’re really delicate,” says Auti, rolling her eyes. “They think we’re fragile – so we have to be like, ‘No, dude – watch what I can do,’ and then they’re like, ‘Oh, okay. I got it from here.’”
Oh, my little duckies, I promised you we’d get to the good part, didn’t I? Let’s dim the lights, grab a glass of wine, light some candles, put on the Walrus of Love (Barry White, for the uninitiated) and start your engines, because our Push Girls are about to knock your (black) socks off. But before we can get down and dirty, let’s start slow, shall we?
So you got the girl – good going! Seriously, it’s not easy to land a relationship with a Push Girl so lean back, enjoy the rarified air and congratulate yourself… oh, wait. What are you doing? No. Nonono… don’t do that. Don’t you know this by now? Those crazy personal peccadillos, those things your mother told you were so cute, so adorable… Well, frankly my friend, to many of us (not just Push Girls), they are dealbreakers.
So, you charmed your way in, and now you got a date with your dream Push Girl. Good for you, Stan! And don’t worry, we’re going to help you out here too by guiding you into what to do and more importantly what not to do. But this time, instead of telling you, we’ll just show you as, well, who doesn’t love a good dating story?
So you made it past the gate and got yourself a date – good for you! Now, to quote my spirit animal RuPaul: Don’t Fuck It Up!
The Push Girl Rules
No, we’re not talking about that silly book which told women everywhere how to act like a lobotomized, manipulative ninny in order to score a husband. We’re talking about the Push Girls Rules, which will teach you how to score a fun, fabulous dude without putting up with any crap!
Don’t get freaked out by the title of this chapter – it’s not everyday that Christina Aguilera and a pre-wigged out Amanda Bynes can be referenced at the same time! But seriously, with the exception of Auti, who is married to the perfectly be-dimpled Eric, our girls are all looking for that special someone who will knock their wheels off.
And you don’t have to be a Calvin Klein model to catch their eye. Grab your chemistry set, put some Aretha Franklin on and have some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
A Push Girl is in demand everywhere, be it in the club, at a bar, during a pool party, at work, at a dinner, or in the aisles of the grocery store – but they do like to go out at night with an eye for the hotties. But when a Push Girl rolls in, you need to be ready because, trust me, there’s always a line to get an audience with our girls. They’re in control – and if you can’t give her what she needs, she can always get it herself…
Unlike some of you out there (you know who you are), Push Girls aren’t sitting around on a Saturday night in their jammies cramming their mouth full of Mallo-Mars and drunkenly crooning Barry Manilow tunes to their cats while applying zit masks to their faces (those apartment walls are real thin girl, real thin). Instead, our heroines are more likely to be found rolling around a local hotspot in heels, a pencil skirt and sizzle-me-till-Sunday lipstick with a trail of drooling suitors in their wake.
“How do they do it?” you ask, lowering your voice so no one can hear you. “I mean, for Chrissake – they’re in a wheelchair! Okay, so their wheels are custom hot, but… what the hell? Can they even feel it down there?”
Oh, you silly girl. Can they feel it? Ha! Ladybird, they rock it. And trust: you could learn some tricks from them that’ll get you out of that fuzzy onesie and onto the Push Girls’ dance floor.
Ladies and gentlemen, stop chewing your nails to the quick and turn on your boob tubes – what you’ve been waiting for for months has finally arrived: the second season of Push Girls is back and holy hell, Batgirl, is it a doozy! This season our heroines are hotter than ever as they roll on the sexy side of life: making out, making up and well, you’ll have to watch to see the rest.
Photo credit: Listal
It’s mid-August and Hot Summer Nights is in full swing on Sundance Channel. Some of the upcoming movies featured in this “steamy” series focus on sexual extremes: There’s sex addiction in John Waters’ outrageous comedy A DIRTY SHAME and also in the autobiographical tale I AM A SEX ADDICT; AUTOEROTIC follows the sexual obsessions of four Chicago couples; the compelling (but unfortunately named) documentary SEX MAGIC: MANIFESTING MAYA follows the polyamorous life of a sex guru; and INDIE SEX: EXTREMES looks at independent cinema that pushed the boundaries of sexual content in film.
Photo Credit: Everyday Should Be Saturday
Funny sex scenes — at least, those that are meant to make you laugh — are often our favorite kind. Ironically, they tend to portray much more realistic onscreen sex than their serious, sultry counterparts. In funny sex scenes, you get weirdness, kink, awkwardness, jealousy, fantasy — oh yeah, and condoms. For some reason, the only time you see latex onscreen is when the sex is supposed to be funny. Here are ten of our favorite funny sex scenes — though not all of them were initially intended to be funny (we’re looking at you, Clive Owen). By the way, if you’re wondering where AMERICAN PIE and PORKY’S are: We took the liberty of limiting this list to scenes that made us laugh. And we’re not — nor have we ever been — 14-year-old boys.
CDZA (short for Collective Cadenza) is a group of mostly Juilliard-trained music geeks (and we use that term in the most loving and respectful way) that “creates musical video experiments” — in other words, fun viral vids that play upon all sorts of musical themes and genres (think “Evolution of Dance” but with live musicians and no dancing). Ten months ago they created their inaugural “History of Lyrics That Aren’t Lyrics” (i.e. Sha na na na, doobie doobie doo, etc). Then a few months ago they started producing these videos regularly, one every other Tuesday. Some recent examples: “Mark Zuckerberg: The Musical” (“This is the dawning of the page that you share with us”) and “Aces of Basses” (a literal tribute to the Swedish pop sensation using five acoustic upright basses).
Image from Em & Lo’s sex manual, SEX: How to Do Everything
You’ve probably heard of the Coital Alignment Technique. It was all the rage a decade or so ago. But have you ever actually tried it? Have you tried it again recently? It takes patience. It takes practice. And it goes against everything you’ve seen in porn. But since when did porn cater to what women want? Beyond just following the specific steps below, mastering the C.A.T. requires a philosophical readjustment. Abandon your assumptions that intercourse automatically means a piston-like motion, lots of flailing about and a rush to climax. For the C.A.T., you’ve got to take what some might call a more “feminine” approach to sex: think small subtle movement, full-body contact with a focus on the clitoris and the pelvic mounds and a Buddhist-like repetition of steps that may very well get her closer to Zen (i.e. orgasm) better than any other hands-free intercourse position out there.
Jacqueline Samuels has become an overnight sensation. Last month she opened “The Snuggery,” a little cabin in Penfield, NY, where she offers private cuddle sessions for $60 an hour: no nudity, absolutely no sex, just platonic touch that she says studies have shown can have a positive effect on your mental and physical well-being. (She received a Bachelor’s Degree in Brain and Cognitive Science from the University of Rochester and is currently completing her Master’s Degree in Social Work). Well, the Internets eat this kind of thing up, and within days, she went global, appearing on CNN (without her knowledge) and getting inquiries from abroad. Apparently the world needs a hug. So we contacted Samuels via her tasteful little website and asked her about it directly:
This week, a gay Episcopalian who fell in love with a one-night-stand-turned-fiancé can learn how to survive a hurricane barreling through her upcoming wedding nuptials.
Model Anja Rubik’s new editorial endeavor just launched: 25 Magazine is a high-end fashion magazine, out biannually, that’s dedicated to the erotic perspective of women. In an interview with New York magazine, Rubik explained the sex concept:
Or maybe we should say “great music to make love to” (though we’re loathe to use that terminology). It definitely works for making out to. Not frantic rip-off-each-others’-clothes sessions, but more deliberate, sensual interludes that last longer than an hour, the kind earnest teenagers in love engage in. Patrick Watson, the Montreal-based band (fronted by singer-songwriter Patrick Watson, natch), create songs that are ethereal, haunting, and heady — with upright pianos, weepy violins and saws, quirky percussion, guitars occasionally strummed with toothbrushes…
All top ten lists are, by their nature, subjective, but this one is especially so — because one person’s “WTF” sex scene is another person’s monkey spanking material. (Exhibit A: we’d qualify a lot of porn as WTF.)
A few qualifications: David Lynch probably deserves a place in this list (okay, David Lynch definitely deserves a place in this list!), but because we already wrote an entire post dedicated to his effed up sex scenes (you can read it here: Top 10 Effed Up Sex Scenes), we left him off this time. And LAST TANGO IN PARIS should probably be on here, but we are just so damn sick of talking about that freakin’ butter scene. The SHOWGIRLS pool scene is hilarious and weird and WTF hall of fame-worthy, but we already covered that one.
Ever feel like you could benefit from a therapist but you don’t have the cash or you can’t travel to sessions or you just don’t wan to make the commitment? Now the magic Internet is bringing the therapists to you for only $9.99 per hour-long sesh. Talktala:_ is a brand new site (so new they’re still in the beta stage) that democratizes therapy by providing it in small groups for a low price.