Here’s the dirty little secret of pickup artist training: it actually works (for both men and women), but it may well make you feel like shit about yourself. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe you just want the digits. But just in case you want to get laid and feel like a better person, you might be interested in the results of an academic study on the topic. A PhD student in Mainz, Germany, trained 17 men and 23 women in the pickup and flirtation arts — specifically, how to apply evolutionary psychology principles to the pickup scene, how to make body language work for you (lots of touching), and how to combat anxiety. He then sent his students into the wild, with the men instructed to gather digits and the women instructed to gather drinks invitations. The before-and-after stats showed that men went, on average, from 1.07 phone numbers to 3.67 per hour, while women’s drink-invite average went from 1.65 to 3.1.
Most of the contributions to the recent Twitter hashtag #2012PickUpLines were pretty uninspiring. (Exhibit A: “I’d like to buy a new router for you and your friend. And ‘Route Her’ and yourself into my bedroom tonight.” Er, okay, Beavis.) But we were inspired by Rainn Wilson (@rainnwilson) of THE OFFICE, who tweeted, “Can I piggy-back on your WiFi?” Okay, we didn’t exactly pee our pants laughing, but something about imagining Dwight delivering that line worked for us. So here are our best attempts at 2012 pickup lines:
If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at that iconic image of the bikini-clad woman sudsing up a muscle car or rollerskating along the boardwalk, then have we got two videos for you. First, the high budget one: LMFAO’s “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” As our writer friend Grant Stoddard recently put it in a Facebook post, never before has banana sling been so explicitly celebrated in a music video – it’s shot in a way that gives the illusion of three-dimensionality, if you know what we mean. (Best line of the song? The chorus refrain “I work out.”) Yes, it’s funny and tongue in cheek, and yet the high production value gives it a weight that makes it feel like genuine equal-opportunity objectification.
Massage as foreplay is one of those sex tips that “everyone knows” — but few people know well. Be honest, how many times have you actually massaged your partner for longer than a few minutes of shoulder squeezing in front of the TV, or a half-hearted swish over their back with your palms? Anything more and your thumbs start to throb, or your own back starts to ache. So we asked massage therapist Denis Merkas from Couples Massage Courses for some pointers on getting it right. And we promise to spare you that junior-high stat about what percentage of massages lead to sex. Because we’re talking about grownup massage here — the kind that was always intended to lead to sex, duh.
1. Don’t squirt oil onto your partner’s body. Squirting cold oil onto warm skin looks sexy in the movies, but feels terrible in real life. Squirt your oil into one hand and then rub your palms together to warm the oil up before applying to the body. Much sexier.
Isabella Rossellini’s new video series, SEDUCE ME (spawn of GREEN PORNO), is ready for your viewing pleasure
Isabella Rossellini gets down and ducky with animal mating rituals in the all-new SEDUCE ME.
We’re thrilled to announce that SEDUCE ME, a new five-part original series directed, written by and starring Isabella Rossellini has launched! For those of you who loved the web sensation GREEN PORNO, Isabella is back with a new set of films that explore the unconventional seduction rituals of creatures ranging from bedbugs to cuttle fish. In describing her new series, Isabella Rossellini says, “After my comical series, GREEN PORNO, on how animals mate, I wanted to showcase a new series about how animals seduce each other with different, varied and incredible strategies…they might give us some new ideas about how to conquer our mates!”
Check out the teaser video, after the jump.
Julie Klausner’s new memoir, I Don’t Care About Your Band, is one of the funniest books about dating we’ve ever read. And this is coming from two women who are kind of sick of (a) memoirs and (b) books about dating. Her book will remind you that dating can always get worse — but fortunately, the worse the date, the better the story it’ll eventually make. (If nothing else, you’ll be comforted by the fact that your blind date was never arrested for kidnapping.) Here’s an excerpt in which she compares Kermit the Frog to skinny hipster bad boys/bad boyfriends:
Violet Blue has written about a zillion books on the subject of sex, but finally there’s one you can discuss with your grandmother: Seal It with a Kiss: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Delivering the Knockout Kiss. Seeing as the national smooch holiday is almost upon us, we thought we’d check in with Violet for some of her best snogging advice.
photo from Porn for Women It’s long been a given in the sex advice biz that dudes who break out the vacuum cleaner every once in a while are more likely to get laid. We typically fight such Men-are-from-Mars-Women-are-from-Venus stereotypes, but we’ve heard too much anecdotal evidence to ignore this one. It’s not that watching…
photo by Qole_Pejorian In news that will probably be surprising only to the male readers of this site, a recent study found that expensive cars don’t really impress the ladies. Researchers in Australia measured changes in the brain responses of women toward a range of men in different cars. Turns out a man having a…
Jennifer Baichwal’s MANUFACTURED LANDSCAPES [www.mongrelmedia.com] examines the work of photographer Edward Burtynsky [www.edwardburtynsky.com] in China. Of his large scale work, Burtynsky has remarked, “These images are meant as metaphors to the dilemma of our modern existence; they search for a dialogue between attraction and repulsion, seduction and fear.” This weekend people can either see his work on the screen or on the wall in a special local exhibition of his work at the Julie Nester Gallery [www.julienestergallery.com].