First there was slow food. Now there’s slow parenting. Susan Sachs Lipman decided she was fed up with the hectic life of modern-day parenting, and it was time for her and her family to take a time out. In a world with a gajillion parenting styles, hers stands out as both revolutionary and a return to old ways: To build family relationships, try spending time as a family. I’ve got parenting on the brain this week, and you’ll see why when you tune in for tonight’s PUSH GIRLS, so I was particularly interested to learn more about Lipman’s approach.
Is it possible that bad parenting could lead to bad sex? Could spoiled and selfish kids grow up to be spoiled and selfish bed partners? A recent article and book review in The New Yorker, “Why are American kids so spoiled?,” got us thinking along these lines.
They met, they fell in love, they rented a U-Haul. It’s the classic lesbian story arc; two law enforcement officers find their soul mate and set out to forge a life together on the sunny Florida coastline. To complete the picture—in what could be considered the ultimate two-mommy move—the couple decide to co-create a child. One woman donates her fertilized egg to be implanted into her infertile partner, who then carries the child to term; and out pops a baby girl with a hyphenated last name. Picture perfect. Except in the end the couple decided to split. Cue the U-Haul.
It’s bad enough that redheaded guys grew up with playground (or frat house) taunts about their ginger pubes – now they’re being told that their sperm isn’t welcome either. Cryos, the world’s largest sperm bank, says that they now get so many donations that they can be picky, and, frankly, there just isn’t enough demand for redheads’ sperm (this news was reported in the U.K. newspaper The Telegraph – if you think being a redhead in the U.S. is tough work, try being a “ginga” over there).
Guy 1: How are things going with your new baby?
Guy 2: Oh, you know, that’s pretty much Amy’s deal.
We swear to god, this is an exact transcript of a conversation that took place between a friend of ours and one of his college buddies. Sure, it’s an extreme example, but it’s not an isolated incident. Another guy told Em’s husband that his social life had altered “about 10%” since having a kid. And even many evolved, sensitive, awesome guys that we know can hover around the perimeter during the early stages of fatherhood, more like a friendly uncle than a parent.
Feeling bad about accidentally dropping your kid on his head? MyBadParent.com will make you feel better immediately. It’s a collection of kid and parent images (culled from various Internet sites as well as submissions) that you won’t see in Parenting Magazine, ranging from the choreographed-for-a-laugh to someone-call-Social-Services-immediately. It’s like if FAILblog had a baby — and that baby was still in its infancy: MyBadParent has only been around for a few months; it can’t allow comments yet; it can’t spell very well; and it’s still figuring out how to tell a joke.
If you’re a faithful reader of SUNfiltered, then you know we love us a good Ted Talk. So we were thrilled to discover that the two of us were in one! Well, just a fleeting picture of us, but we’ll take what we can get. Our old boss, Nerve.com-founder Rufus Griscom, went on to found…
You may tie each other up every Monday and feel completely comfortable exploring each other’s less traveled orifices, or you may consider doggie style to be “experimental” — but when it comes to the holidays, we’re all just a bunch of overgrown kids hoping to survive extended time with the in-laws (or potential future in-laws). We interviewed therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of the book Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, who says she has found, in her long-term study of married couples, that when a husband or wife fails to get along with the in-laws, it’s predictive of marital unhappiness down the road. “On the flip side,” she says, “in the happiest marriages from my study, both spouses reported that they felt close to, or at least got along with, their in-laws.” We distilled Orbuch’s advice into 10 rules for making sure your relationship survives the onslaught of questionable family members this holiday season.
Make your partner a priority — and stand up for them. You can affect your parents’ behaviors and how they treat your spouse by treating your spouse with respect, dignity, and validation. If your parents love you, they want what is best for you. And the best thing for you is a happy spouse who wants to spend time with your family.
Set a time limit. Short visits may be the happiest ones.
Manage expectations. Don’t expect praise, warmth, and approval from your partner’s family. Realistic expectations reduce frustration.