Pad Thai

BROKEDOWN PALACE: the definitive guide to Thailand

BROKEDOWN PALACE: the definitive guide to Thailand

Welcome to the Zach Golden’s Guide to Thailand, the definitive companion to a country I’m pretty sure is in Southeast Asia. Despite never having visited Thailand, or as the locals call it, Vietnam, I’m uniquely qualified to write about such a majestic place because I occasionally eat Thai food and once got a massage from a woman I’m pretty sure was Thai (or maybe Korean).

All you really need to know about Thailand is this: if you’re an impressionable, young teen whose post-high school plans involve a summer in Hawaii with your equally impressionable teen friend, but at the last minute you decide to nix that in favor of Thailand where you and aforementioned impressionable friend meet a hunky Australian guy with a generic sounding name who asks you to smuggle some heroin into Hong Kong – don’t. Just don’t do it. Because chances are that hunky Australian guy (all Australian guys are hunky, you’d be hunky too if everything in your country was able to kill you) is in tight with some corrupt motherfuckers in the Thai “legal system” and you’re going to take the fall for being an impressionable young teen/effective drug mule…