So, of course, for my very last essay, I have the absolute stupidest quote of all time: “Everything happens for a reason.” I mean… you have got to be kidding me. This is my last essay question? Fine. Here goes.
It’s weird, but ever since I wrote my last essay, I keep thinking about that Eleanor Roosevelt quote — “Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.”
I probably shouldn’t say this, but my brother’s been offered a plea deal. Which, like most deals, means he has to say he did something, and in exchange, they give him some sentence that’s not totally horrible. Like maybe never even go back to prison.
I think maybe the ghost of Eleanor Roosevelt is screwing with me, because there is just no way I can write an essay about this: “Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.” Nope. Not happening. Justice, injustice, all of it is just… Nuh-uh.
“Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us,” according to the Russian novelist Boris Pasternak. If that’s true, today must be Christmas, because I am really, really surprised — finally, an essay prompt that actually makes sense. You could knock me over with a feather.
I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but whoever at the SAT company is coming up with these essay prompts needs to get a life. Literally — not, like, quit your job because you suck at this, but seriously, go out and interact with people a little bit. Because, fyi, this prompt is beyond pointless: “I have sworn upon the alter of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.”
Well the weather outside is frightful, but Jared’s nude photo shoot is quite delightful. Too delightful, in fact, for TV. Don’t worry, you’ll still get an eyeful on Friday’s episode of GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS, but we’ve got the bits that were just too hot for the airwaves. Consider it an early holiday gift and spread the cheer.
There are a few situations when it is OK to lie on a first date. If your date asks an inappropriate question, for example, it’s ok to fib instead of dodge. And if you met online, but your paramour looks and acts like a completely different person in the flesh, it’s ok to smile and nod before you run away, never to be seen or heard from again. This week’s deleted scene, however, has got to mark the first time we’ve ever heard anybody lie about not being able to swim.