Hate Valentine’s Day and its corporate overlords? Have we got a site for you: Occupy Valentine’s Day (“Down with Couple-talism!” Get it?). The tumblr was created by Samhita Mukhopadhyay, author of Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life and Executive Editor of Feministing.com. Here’s its raison d’etre:
What’s a recession-friendly Valentine’s Day gift that will always be received gladly? Unilateral oral sex is a pretty good bet. Or perhaps a half-hour massage with no pressure to reciprocate. Or maybe dressing up as a cowboy and doing your best BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN impression. But how do you make such generous sexual offers feel like an actual gift that you planned in advance — as opposed to a last-minute, oh-shit-I-didn’t-make-it-to-the-mall-in-time present? A hand-written promise to talk dirty, unabated, for 20 minutes is kind of sweet (at least, it is if that’s your partner’s bag), but it can come across as a little half-hearted. A little unofficial, if you will. No witnesses, no signatures in blood, etc.
Instead of waiting til the last minute like usual, why not get a jump start on some Valentine’s Day card ideas, you know, before Monday, February 13th sneaks up and cupid-arrows you in the ass?
From Someecards, the king of irreverent greetings: e.g. “Sorry the only ring you’re wearing this Valentine’s Day is a contraceptive in your vagina” (that’s just one of 99 hilarious ones)
Five DIY Valentine’s Day cards to make with the kids, collated by LilSugar.
Well, another Christmas has come and gone: The excitement, traditions, and rituals of Christmas morning which were private and unique to each family has now become a source of public entertainment thanks to YouTube, Facebook, online communities, and the countless other vehicles for information sharing and connecting on the Interwebs. We all remember popping up on Christmas morning as a kid (at an ungodly hour in retrospect) with a rapturous and feverish glee, forcing our parents to wake up, and then euphorically opening the presents which had contained all of our hopes and dreams at the time. The difference nowadays is that this crackhead-like (if I may use that phrase here) exhilaration and joy of children on Christmas morning is now a source for millions of views on YouTube. Unless you’re a modern day Rip Van Winkle, you’ve all seen this priceless reaction video of this kid opening his Christmas present to discover a Nintendo 64 or as he screamed “a Nintendo Sixty-Foooooour. OH MY GAWD.” Yeah, that video has over 15 million views on YouTube. Bookending the Nintendo 64 kid is this classic video where a new Nintendo Wii on Christmas morning is too much to handle for the lucky boy or in this instance, utter hilarity for the adults.
Like these two videos I mentioned, each Christmas brings the rest of us a few more videos that enters our collective consciousness.
Meet Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta and her girlfriend Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell. They’ve just made history with a kiss.
After your dad, your significant other is the most difficult person in the world to buy presents for. After all there’s so much pressure — you want it to strike the right note, convey your love, perhaps your desire, show just how well you know them, and at the same time be a surprise. So…
Image credit: uglychristmaslights.com
It’s the holiday season, which can only mean one thing–booze. Or family. Or Jesus Christ. I have no idea what the holiday season means, except that it gets colder and I get heavier and I still can’t wrap presents. As a true ‘millennial’ I’ve never been very good at the holidays, because I’m selfish and underemployed, but I am very good at the Internet. Kids these days are so lazy and tech-obsessed! Occupy North Pole! For your viewing pleasure, however, I am here to give you all the pleasures and comforts of the holiday season via the world wide web. Don’t leave your couch this December! Don’t fly home with Crate and Barrel ornaments that will break on the flight! Just sit in front of your computer…just like you do every other day of the year!
The holidays can be a tough time for a good greenie. Sure, you want to participate in the rituals of giving and receiving associated with Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, and, yes, you want to give your family members and friends gifts they want. But does that have to mean pushing aside any sense of environmental responsibility (or good ol’ fashioned green guilt) and hitting the mall (or the internet) for “stuff” that we’ll box (in that “free” gift box) and wrap (in unrecyclable paper)?
When it comes to giving your significant O a holiday gift, slippers are great, but sex toys are better. As long as you make quality, beauty and safety your main priorities, you can’t go wrong with a pleasure object (unless you’re in a relationship with a religious neo-con, i.e. one of the few ones who don’t have a secret gimp suit hidden under their bed). Here are some suggestions that are particularly festive:
If commercials during the month of December were a true reflection of the holidays then apparently everyone gives their significant other gaudy jewelry from Kay’s or a brand new Lexus with a big red bow (which you can actually order from Amazon for fifty bucks). However, the benchmark for extravagant Christmas gifting was established by “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” the predecessor of all Christmas commercials (citation needed). First published in England in 1780, this carol sets the standard for Christmas purchases for the 1%.
The only thing worse than sex being used to sell products that have nothing to do with sex is when sex is actually put into a product in some way when it shouldn’t be. Below are four sex product fails – don’t even think about them as potential holiday gifts, not even stocking stuffers. You’ve been warned:
Bacon Lube: J&D’s wants the world to taste like bacon, so they made bacon salt, and baconnaise, bacon ranch and even bacon lip balm. So we guess it was only a matter of time before they made bacon lube. They say it started out as an April Fool’s prank but then got so many requests that they had to follow through with bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. Fortunately, it’s only available for a limited time.
Erotic Energy Drinks: As if Red Bull weren’t bad enough – Big Cock cola and Little Pussy passion fruit drink are now available in Las Vegas. Of course they are.
I wasn’t sure I was going to do it until that moment. I’d been thinking about it all day, the idea simmering in the back of my head, braising like a chicken thigh. I stared down the sweet potato puree drenched with brown sugar and pecans, eyed the corn casserole composed of 21 crushed saltine crackers and creamed canned corn, and took in the big ceramic bowl of mashed potatoes waiting to be microwaved. My throat constricted as I imagined loading my plate with these various forms of vegetable mush. I imagined the weight of that plate as I carried it to the table and, soon after, the weight of the sludge languishing on my tongue. I shuddered, nearly gagging at the mental picture I’d drawn.
It was too much. All of it…
In honor of Halloween, here’s a round up of some fun love & sex stuff from the (spider) web:
What his Halloween costume says about him.
How to spot an emotional vampire.
10 Halloween costumes that should never be sexy.
Favorite spooky movie couples.
20 (more) WTF sexy Halloween costumes….
For the second year in a row, the Reverend Billy and the Church of Life After Shopping will be celebrating this Valentine’s Day weekend with an un-marriage ceremony for straight married couples who support gay marriage at The Bethesda Fountain in NYC’s Central Park on Sunday from 1 – 2pm. The idea is “no marriage…
It was supposed to be available in time for the holidays but, alas, Mojowijo won’t be out until the new year — to the great disappointment, we imagine, of sexually frustrated tech geeks who don’t get much sunshine in their basements. If you haven’t figured it out by now, Mojowijo is a teledildonics device. It transforms your Nintendo Wii remote control into a body stimulator (i.e. vibrator) that’s operated by someone remotely, whether in the same room or across the world. The peeps at Mojowijo have told us, rather vaguely, that the product will be available in retail stores throughout the world as well as online. We’d tell you to hold your breath, but we don’t want any other body parts turning blue.
Got a minimalist on the gift list? Someone living simply who really doesn’t want anything for the holidays? Yep, they can be difficult… just ask my wife.
While baked goods or experiences can work well for this crowd, another option has sprung up over the past few years: charity gift cards. Just like the consumption-oriented versions, these cards allow you to purchase a certain amount of monetary value… which the recipient can then donate to a favorite charity.
You may tie each other up every Monday and feel completely comfortable exploring each other’s less traveled orifices, or you may consider doggie style to be “experimental” — but when it comes to the holidays, we’re all just a bunch of overgrown kids hoping to survive extended time with the in-laws (or potential future in-laws). We interviewed therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of the book Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, who says she has found, in her long-term study of married couples, that when a husband or wife fails to get along with the in-laws, it’s predictive of marital unhappiness down the road. “On the flip side,” she says, “in the happiest marriages from my study, both spouses reported that they felt close to, or at least got along with, their in-laws.” We distilled Orbuch’s advice into 10 rules for making sure your relationship survives the onslaught of questionable family members this holiday season.
Make your partner a priority — and stand up for them. You can affect your parents’ behaviors and how they treat your spouse by treating your spouse with respect, dignity, and validation. If your parents love you, they want what is best for you. And the best thing for you is a happy spouse who wants to spend time with your family.
Set a time limit. Short visits may be the happiest ones.
Manage expectations. Don’t expect praise, warmth, and approval from your partner’s family. Realistic expectations reduce frustration.
We’re as guilty as anyone else of promoting gift-giving at this time of year. (Then again, who else is going to tell you about that perfectly tasteful vibrator that will fit in a Christmas stocking?) To find a bit of inner calm amidst the gift-wrapping storm, here are five ways to give back, whether with time or money.
Give to the National Breast Cancer Foundation: We know you tinted your Facebook profile picture pink and did a cutesy status update about where you keep your handbag, but did that really do anything to help the cause of women with breast cancer? Donate money; run a race (or jump out of a plane) so you can ask your friends to donate sponsor money; or just donate your time.
Get Involved with Planned Parenthood: Thanks to the mid-term election results, things are looking pretty dire when it comes to reproductive rights. Help Planned Parenthood keep fighting the good fight by donating your money or time — and sign up for their newsletters so you know when they need you to write to your representatives (usually it’s as simply as cutting and pasting and clicking your mouse).
Books make awesome holiday gifts: They can be mailed directly from Amazon et al if you remember someone at the very last minute; they won’t cause weight gain or allergy attacks; they show more thought and insight than a gift certificate; and they’re easy as anything to wrap (ever try gift-wrapping a cactus plant?). We’d like to think that our manual SEX: How to Do Everything makes the perfect gift for everyone, but we know we don’t live in that sort of world. So here are our ten best suggestions for sex-related books to give to those special folks in your life whom you’re not sleeping with.
Our Bodies, Our Junk by the Association for the Betterment of Sex: This book won’t do much to improve your sex life, and your partner might not appreciate the message of receiving a sex manual that makes for ideal bathroom reading. But your roommate/best friend/gym buddy certainly will.
Good Porn: A Woman’s Guide by Erika Lust: Not for your kid’s pre-school teacher or your outstanding female employee…obviously. But for your best female friend since grade school who knows more about your sex life than you do and who is always lamenting the lack of good porn out there? Check. FYI, single and coupled female friends alike will benefit from this book, though the latter gals — particularly if they are on the sensitive side — might not necessarily agree with you. Then again, they’re the ones who need it most.
Just in time for the start of the winter holiday season is this vintage Tokyo subway PSA from 1976 warning Japanese strap hangers on the follies of over-indulging in drinks or “dranks” as the (21 and over) kids say nowadays. The translation supposedly says: “I look like Santa because you’ve had too much to drink.…
Just in time for the holidays, one of our favorite manufacturers has launched a new line of fancy-schmancy vibes: Lelo’s Insignia collection. It’s their first line of completely waterproof products, which makes for easier cleaning and fun in the shower. There’s the oval-shaped external massager, Alia (around $119); the traditional mid-size vibrator, Isla ($159); and…
A few weeks ago we fondly wrote about the Know Your Meme podcast, and specifically highlighted their coverage of the loveable Antoine Dodson of “Bed Intruder” fame. Well, now he’s got what he (at least) is calling the # 1 Halloween get-up of 2010: The official Bed Intruder Costume! And good for him — why…
Thanks to our friends at Lemondrop (although “thanks” may be the wrong word), we recently discovered Pornkins, “an all new way to spice up your Halloween party” according to the website. Whose parties are they talking about? Except for a few L.A. sex biz companies and some midwestern frat houses, we’re guessing (hoping) the demand…
First the Katy Perry debacle, and now this! Okay, so they are not actually marketed as “sexy” Sesame Street costumes; they’re called “sassy.” We guess there’s a difference. But still, is there nothing sacred? It’s hard enough to find little girl costumes that aren’t all tarted up, but now we have to tart-up the most…
A visitor looks at a crystal tiger which was made up of 955 steel wires and 12,888 small crystal balls at a department store in Shanghai February 4, 2010. The artwork, which is the size of an actual tiger, was designed as a gift for the Chinese Lunar New Year of the Tiger, which began…