SUNDANCE CHANNEL TO DECK THE HALLS WITH COMEDY KING MEL BROOKS’ FINESTFilm Series “Oy! to the World: A Mel Brooks Christmas Marathon” Slated for Christmas Day New York, NY – December 12, 2013 – This holiday season, Sundance Channel is learning that it’s “good to be the king.” Starting at 6:00 AM ET/PT on Christmas…
Well, another Christmas has come and gone: The excitement, traditions, and rituals of Christmas morning which were private and unique to each family has now become a source of public entertainment thanks to YouTube, Facebook, online communities, and the countless other vehicles for information sharing and connecting on the Interwebs. We all remember popping up on Christmas morning as a kid (at an ungodly hour in retrospect) with a rapturous and feverish glee, forcing our parents to wake up, and then euphorically opening the presents which had contained all of our hopes and dreams at the time. The difference nowadays is that this crackhead-like (if I may use that phrase here) exhilaration and joy of children on Christmas morning is now a source for millions of views on YouTube. Unless you’re a modern day Rip Van Winkle, you’ve all seen this priceless reaction video of this kid opening his Christmas present to discover a Nintendo 64 or as he screamed “a Nintendo Sixty-Foooooour. OH MY GAWD.” Yeah, that video has over 15 million views on YouTube. Bookending the Nintendo 64 kid is this classic video where a new Nintendo Wii on Christmas morning is too much to handle for the lucky boy or in this instance, utter hilarity for the adults.
Like these two videos I mentioned, each Christmas brings the rest of us a few more videos that enters our collective consciousness.
I know for a fact that most of you have not finished (or even started) your holiday shopping due to that deadly virus known as procrastination. Well I’m here with a few unique gift suggestions for your impossible-to-shop-for loved ones.
1. For your “foodie” chef who is also obsessed with designers’ trendy incorporation of brass knuckles, I recommend this brass knuckle shaped meat pounder.
2. One of my favorite online memes to emerge has been the Sad Keanu Reeves meme, and if you’re shopping for a “Redditor” or someone who hasn’t met a meme they didn’t like (hint: me), then this toy model of Sad Keanu Reeves is perfect.
Even as an Apple fanboy, I’m a bit skeptical as to whether Santa uses Siri as they assert in their new holiday commercial, but if this analysis by The Atlantic is accurate then Apple might want to update the commercial and show that instead of 3.7 billion appointments, Santa has approximately 526 million children he has to visit. Given certain assumptions (one, Santa exists, obvi), The Atlantic ran a study to determine just how many kids he has to visit on Christmas night. Their chart above illustrates what Santa and his reindeers’ busy night would look like as he raced around the world.
There are just over 526,000,000 Christian kids under the age of 14 in the world who celebrate Christmas on December 25th. In other words, Santa has to deliver presents to almost 22 million kids an hour, every hour, on the night before Christmas. That’s about 365,000 kids a minute; about 6,100 a second. Totally doable.
Especially when you consider the uneven distribution of kids in the world. Santa needs to hit 22 million kids every hour. If Santa starts at the International Date Line and heads west, the first four time zones he passes barely contain that many kids waiting for presents. He’s already got three hours in the bank. Until, you know, he gets to Europe, which kind of breaks his schedule.
It was the night before Christmas and all through New York City there were scores of singles reaching out via text, email, Facebook, or the old-fashioned phone call, making plans for the evening. My girl Cherri’s family was scattered across the country so she relied on her friends for company and a stiff drink celebrating the birth of Christ. I wanted to stay in and brace myself for the onslaught of family, but met her anyway. The whole BGF thing isn’t some television gimmick.
Earlier this week on our site, we asked our Wise Guys what was up with the sexy Santa lingerie thing. Which naturally led us to thinking about Mariah Carey, and how she basically owns the entire sexy Santa category, not to mention the sub-category of soft-core porn Santa. We know she didn’t exactly invent the look — scantily clad Santa’s helpers have been around for decades, and someone saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus years ago — but she’s made it her own again… and again… and again (Google-image-search “Sexy Mariah Santa” if you can handle even more).
After your dad, your significant other is the most difficult person in the world to buy presents for. After all there’s so much pressure — you want it to strike the right note, convey your love, perhaps your desire, show just how well you know them, and at the same time be a surprise. So…
This week on Sundance is adults only: intense films about violence, sex, and parties, almost all praised for stunning visuals. And on Christmas Eve, Santa is bringing MARIE ANTOINETTE, with all of the ribbons, candy, and costumes you would expect for such a festive occasion.
Image credit: uglychristmaslights.com
It’s the holiday season, which can only mean one thing–booze. Or family. Or Jesus Christ. I have no idea what the holiday season means, except that it gets colder and I get heavier and I still can’t wrap presents. As a true ‘millennial’ I’ve never been very good at the holidays, because I’m selfish and underemployed, but I am very good at the Internet. Kids these days are so lazy and tech-obsessed! Occupy North Pole! For your viewing pleasure, however, I am here to give you all the pleasures and comforts of the holiday season via the world wide web. Don’t leave your couch this December! Don’t fly home with Crate and Barrel ornaments that will break on the flight! Just sit in front of your computer…just like you do every other day of the year!
The holidays can be a tough time for a good greenie. Sure, you want to participate in the rituals of giving and receiving associated with Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, and, yes, you want to give your family members and friends gifts they want. But does that have to mean pushing aside any sense of environmental responsibility (or good ol’ fashioned green guilt) and hitting the mall (or the internet) for “stuff” that we’ll box (in that “free” gift box) and wrap (in unrecyclable paper)?
We get it. You came here hoping for an extra bit of Jared’s sex tape. You’ll have to go digging around on the Internet to find that yourself (and then post a link for us, obviously). We’re not doing that because we want to end up on Santa’s nice list. And we’re not the only ones getting ready for the holidays. Sherrié and Shane have a little Christmas single they’ve been working on.
A few years ago, the Morgan Museum and Library, which owns the 68-page manuscript of Charles Dickens’ classic tale “A Christmas Carol,” let the New York Times scan all the hand-scribbled, 168-year-old pages and post them online. The Times then challenged its readers to scour through the digital pages of this manuscript for which Dickens apparently “made no working notes, outline, plans, or preliminary drafts” (brave man!), and unlock mysteries buried within his edits.
If commercials during the month of December were a true reflection of the holidays then apparently everyone gives their significant other gaudy jewelry from Kay’s or a brand new Lexus with a big red bow (which you can actually order from Amazon for fifty bucks). However, the benchmark for extravagant Christmas gifting was established by “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” the predecessor of all Christmas commercials (citation needed). First published in England in 1780, this carol sets the standard for Christmas purchases for the 1%.
If you celebrated Thanksgiving like any American family—with the arguments and the sweet potatoes — you may have caught A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. I watched it and it was weirdly macabre and oddly lit. I loved it because I hated it; I hated it because I loved it. The Katie Couric interview! The 12 costume changes! The salami waffles and the interpretive dancing! The only bad thing about it is she’s not doing one for Christmas. But, I’m like Santa Claus and I give gifts, so I’m planning a Christmas special for her.
Curtain — Lady Gaga comes out of a long hallway wearing a tree, or IS a tree. A tree covered in dildos. She breaks out in “Bad Romance” as everybody in the world freaks out. She still does that song! We love that she still does that song! She’s standing inside a gingerbread house that is made up men wearing gold body paint and gold spandex booty shorts. Instead of singing the highest WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE right where she catches fire in the vid, she sings WANTS A WHITE CHRISTMAS! And we all nod because yes, because who doesn’t want a white Christmas.
Visit A Christmas Gif (LOVE PUNS!) to unwrap your own box of a mystery random gif. Yet another great site to bookmark for procrastinating during your holiday vacation. [Via]
Got a minimalist on the gift list? Someone living simply who really doesn’t want anything for the holidays? Yep, they can be difficult… just ask my wife.
While baked goods or experiences can work well for this crowd, another option has sprung up over the past few years: charity gift cards. Just like the consumption-oriented versions, these cards allow you to purchase a certain amount of monetary value… which the recipient can then donate to a favorite charity.
Cartoonist and writer Drew has this heart-warming nonsensical song for the holidays that can be enjoyed by people of all religious persuasions. (Ed. note: salty language alert!)
If you’ve looked for suggestions on greening your holiday celebrations, you’ve likely had no trouble finding information on gifts, food, wine… many ideas out there for lowering your impact while still having a great time.
The day after the celebration, though, you’re probably tired, maybe a little (or a lot) hung over, and perhaps cranky… and simply tossing the detritus of the holidays may seem like a really good idea. Nurse the hangover, give yourself some time to wake up, and then put some of these ideas into practice for disposing of the wreckage without undermining all of those earlier green efforts:
On one end of the spectrum or pole you have a warm and kindhearted Kris Kringle. And then there are Sketchy Santas. Check out the website for a collection of user submitted photographs of creepy Santas freaking out kids.
Kristin Wiig is Saturday Night Live’s strongest performer. She’s funny and awkward. She does impersonations effortlessly (see Bjork and Kathy Lee). And she takes skits that could be awful (Penelope, Target Lady) and makes them funny as all hell. Just check out her Bjork appearance above. There is something gay about Wiig too. She’s not…
We’re suckers for Christmas. The bright lights, the gingerbread houses, the cheesy music, the British “crackers,” the ability to eat and drink to excess without being considered a glutton or an alcoholic! We especially love that cozy feeling that comes from watching favorite movies with a wintery vibe — not necessarily official Christmas movies, but just ones that honor love and family with some cold weather thrown in. Here’s our top 10. (If you’re wondering why “Love, Actually”, the definition of “romantic holiday movie”, didn’t make the cut, it’s because Lo thinks that sexist movie sucked reindeer balls.)
I just today started looking for Christmas gifts. Recently I stumbled upon Papabubble’s pop-up shop in Cappellini and I was all set to get my friends and family avant-garde candy confections for Christmas. And I most likely still will. However, this gorgeous, sugary mammal was just brought to my attention. And I am smitten. Some…
As I posted earlier this week Simon Doonan did venture down to DC this week to assist and oversee the holiday decorating at the White House. The Washington Post has some photos of what Doonan and the Obamas did, and I must say, they’re pretty safe and traditional. Which I guess is appropriate for the…
Halloween has not even come yet and already those design nerds/brainiacs over at Design Observer are talking about Christmas. And rightfully so. In a recent essay Adam Harrison Levy takes on the changing decisions concerning the purchasing and using of one of America’s most beloved icons, the Christmas tree. Does cutting down a tree for…