Naked News: Sex scandals abound, from celebrities, politicians and animals

Article: Naked News: Sex scandals abound, from celebrities, politicians and animals

Much of this week’s news was slightly infuriating: Animals get birth control but humans don’t? The mistress gets punished but the married man doesn’t? Rapists get rights but their victims don’t? Aaarrrggghhh!

Naked News: Bieber Fever explained, virtual Ville sex and anti-nookie nursing homes

Article: Naked News: Bieber Fever explained, virtual Ville sex and anti-nookie nursing homes

Why do we love Justin Bieber? Why did we love Nora Ephron’s films? Why should we love exercise? And why shouldn’t we love old-people lovin’? These questions and more are answered below.

The best commencement speech of 2012

Article: The best commencement speech of 2012

Commencement season is wrapping up and everyone’s coming out with their “Best Commencement Speeches of 2012″ lists — all with the usual suspects, of course: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Mitt Romney, Michael Bloomberg, Brian Williams, Katie Couric, Oprah Winfrey…yeah, yeah, yeah, a few jokes, some heartfelt platitudes, lots of security. Yawn. But our hands-down absolute favorite of 2012 — and one you won’t find on most of these lists — is comedian Eugene Mirman speaking at his old alma mater Hampshire College, that flaming-liberal-hipster college that let’s you make up your own major. He chose to major in comedy. This speech proves it actually worked. And how can you not adore a keynote commencement address that includes the phrase “fuck that”?

Naked news: the agony and ecstasy of Charlize Theron

Article: Naked news: the agony and ecstasy of Charlize Theron

The ladies got a rough deal this week, what with never being taken outside to play as little girls, being left behind by the Right, being told they don’t care about contraception, and getting spit on yet again by Tucker Max and PETA. Fortunately, Charlize Theron got some aggression out (on tape) on behalf of all womankind:

Not one but three star-studded movies about porn

Article: Not one but three star-studded movies about porn

Yesterday we discussed celebrities with porn names. Today we’re talking about celebrities in porn movies. Okay, not actual skin flicks. No, movies about skin flicks. Just as there are two modern movie versions of Snow White coming out at the same time (our money’s on Charlize Theron’s evil queen kicking Julia Roberts’ queen’s ass), there are also two competing star-studded Linda Lovelace biopics, plus an indie film about a fictional rising pornstar: INFERNO: A LINDA LOVELACE STORY, LOVELACE and CHERRY, respectively. The latter two star James Franco. (Of course they do.) Here’s a more elaborate breakdown of each’s cast:

Before Nicki Minaj was Nicki Minaj (and Kurt was Kurt)

Article: Before Nicki Minaj was Nicki Minaj (and Kurt was Kurt)

Dirty Money – Nicki Minaj from JAMES DELGATTO on Vimeo.

Before she was Nicki Minaj, the international superstar (real name: Onika Tanya Maraj) with her wigs and outlandish colorful outfits that give Lady Gaga a run for title of Best Weirdly Dressed, she was Nicki Minaj, a talented aspiring hip-hop artist from the Queens. And the above video of her from that pre-red carpet fame era is currently being passed around the Internets in the past couple days with some viewers longing for this rawer, more pedestrian side of Nicki Minaj. Hey Sasha Frere-Jones: feel free to use this as a flint for your next essay about constructions of identity and its conflict with notions of authenticity as it pertains to hip-hop. Or something. Incidentally, if you slow down Nicki Minaj’s voice she sounds a lot like Jay-Z. Conversely, if you speed up Jay-Z he sounds like Nicki Minaj. This is a mathematical fact.

Feminist Ryan Gosling

Article: Feminist Ryan Gosling

We never really understood the whole Ryan Gosling thing – he seemed kind of like a pompous, pretentious ac-tor with zero sense of humor. That is, until we saw him on Ellen in onesie pajamas on a stationary bike. Boy, were we schooled then. Now we’re on board – well, we’re not on board the crazy train of Gosling fandom, but we’re at the station admiring from afar. For example, we’re not so gaga for Gosling that we could tell you exactly where the whole “Hey Girl” meme came from. (According to Jezebel: “Apparently, the basic concept…

I heart Kevin Smith

Article: I heart Kevin Smith

Lo here: Em has always been a Howard Stern fan. As a staunch, man-hating feminist, I never got on board. Too many sad strippers willing to be reduced to body parts for love and attention – at least back in the K-Rock days. No, for provocative, foul-mouthed, sex-related audio content, I’ll take Kevin Smith’s Hollywood Babble-On with Ralph Garman any day. They’re by no means above female objectification, but they believe in equal opportunity objectification. Take for example, their regular segment on Liam Neesson’s infamously large endowment (“Liam Neesson’s cock is so big…”). Smith will even admit on air to homoerotic urges without fear or shame (hello, Thor!). They do a show every week loosely arranged around all things entertainment industry-related, so if you’re an US Weekly junkie like Em, you can get your celeb gossip AND your dick jokes all in one place! Plus, Garman is an amazing vocal impersonator: Sean Connery, Adam West, Harrison Ford, etc.

Naked news: Jim Carrey confesses his love to Emma Stone

Article: Naked news: Jim Carrey confesses his love to Emma Stone

Kind of funny but mostly creepy: Jim Carrey confesses his love to Emma Stone via online video.
Speaking of weird celebrity confessions of love, Sinead O’Connor is apparently into anal and on the prowl. (Is this just some weird performance art project of hers? One hopes.)

Beyonce, who run the world? Not girls.

Article: Beyonce, who run the world? Not girls.

Beyonce’s latest hit “Run the World” is a girl-power anthem, sort of: “Who run the world? Girls” over and over. Maybe it’s aspirational. Eh, probably not

Awesome people hanging out together

Article: Awesome people hanging out together

How to Make a Blog 101: pick a theme that can be illustrated in pictures, cull (read: steal) images reflecting that theme from all over the web, caption each image (wit/irony/humor optional). Think Failblog, PeopleOfWalmart, MyBadParent, TooBigForStroller, etc. Some are more clever than others. In fact, success isn’t measured in cleverness, but in whether a…

A commemorative royal wedding "ring"

Article: A commemorative royal wedding "ring"

You’ve probably heard of the royal wedding commemorative refrigerator, the one with the huge honkin’ picture of William and Kate in an embrace emblazoned on the doors. Not exactly discreet. Well, now there’s something a little more subtle, with more humor, if not more class: The Commemorative Royal Wedding Ring (as in love ring, i.e. cock ring):

Terry Richardson's Tumblr is everywhere, including the Oscars

Article: Terry Richardson's Tumblr is everywhere, including the Oscars

If you’re a fan of pop culture, art, photography, or fashion and you don’t have Terry Richardson’s frequently updated Tumblr bookmarked, then do yourself a favor and do so. Whether it’s the recent opening of Ed Ruscha’s new show at Gagosian in LA or chilling out backstage at the Oscars, the man, his glasses and…

Fellini rides a low rider bike

Article: Fellini rides a low rider bike

“Rides a Bike” is one of my favorite single serve Tumblr sites that updates with vintage photographs of stars and celebrities of days of yore on bicycles, such as director Federico Fellini rocking a low rider bike. Add this site to your RSS or bookmarks for your weekly bit of whimsy. I can’t wait for…

Naked News: Gagging over Lady Gaga's new fragrance

Article: Naked News: Gagging over Lady Gaga's new fragrance

Ted Haggard reveals to GQ that he would identify as bisexual if it weren’t for, you know, God. But wait, didn’t God make him bisexual to begin with? Religion is confusing.
Ubiquitous James Franco to play porn star Linda Lovelace’s former husband.
New research suggests are no differences between heterosexuals and homosexuals or between women and men in terms of the brain systems regulating romantic love.

Loving hating Gwyneth

Article: Loving hating Gwyneth

We always knew Gwyneth Paltrow was kind of annoying, but we didn’t realize it was “official” until we read the recent Time magazine review of her new movie “Country Strong,” which wasn’t so much a movie review as it was an account of how much people love to hate this privileged daughter of Hollywood elite…

Can best friends be sex friends?

Article: Can best friends be sex friends?

You gotta love a movie trailer with lots of swear words, nudity, sex scenes and menstruation references. We don’t think we’ve looked forward to an Ashton Kucher vehicle since “Dude, Where’s My Car,” but the “restricted” trailer (NOT one of the many sanitized-for-tv versions) for his next flick, “No Strings Attached,” co-starring the ever-present Natalie…

Fabio: the new face of the electric vehicle?

Article: Fabio: the new face of the electric vehicle?

If challenged to do so, you’d likely have no trouble coming up with a short list of eco-celebs: Ed Begley, Jr., Cameron Diaz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Woody Harrelson, and, oh yeah, Robert Redford may all to come to mind. But Fabio? Yep, the Italian superhunk who’s graced the covers of many a romance novel, and pitched butter substitutes, is adding his look (if not his voice) to a green cause: electric vehicles.

Katy Perry's cleavage can tell you how to get to Sesame Street

Article: Katy Perry's cleavage can tell you how to get to Sesame Street

Or rather, how to get kicked off Sesame Street. Perry shot a music video with Elmo for the pre-schoolers’ show featuring a version of her “Hot n’ Cold” hit, this one about playing dress up (natch). Sesame Street does this all the time — kidifying a pop tune with the actual artist; check out Feist’s…

To be young, gifted and black…

Article: To be young, gifted and black…

…apparently means to be photoshopped by Elle magazine. Or at least, that’s the rumor that’s got ladies mag readers all abuzz. For their 25th anniversary issue, Elle just released 4 different covers featuring 4 different 25-year olds, “young women changing the world” they said, though they forgot to add “in Hollywood.” Let’s be clear, these…

The raw sex scenes of "Blue Valentine"

Article: The raw sex scenes of "Blue Valentine"

One of the films we’re most excited to see in the next few months is the indie-flick 12 years in the making, “Blue Valentine,” starring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling and out December 31st. It’s an intimate portrait — almost documentary style — of a relationship/marriage over the course of several years, cross-cutting between different time periods. There was very little rehearsing, lots of time spent together in character before shooting, picking fights on the days they were filming fights. The two actors are on the cover of W magazine this month, with an interview by Lynn Hirschberg inside, in which they discuss, among other things, the very intense sex scenes:

Scissor Sisters "News" broadcast from US tour

Article: Scissor Sisters "News" broadcast from US tour

Scissor Sisters are in the middle of the US leg of their tour to support their new album, Night Work, so Scissor Sisters News just released this update: Katy Perry Watches Adam Lambert Make Out with [lead singer] Jake Shears. Check it out to see the silly backstage shenanigans and get some serious kissing tips…

Guess whose high school yearbook pic?

Article: Guess whose high school yearbook pic?

Yep, Rachel Maddow’s. Out and proud Rachel Maddow of MSNBC’s kick-ass liberal politics show “The Rachel Maddow Show.” Maddow, who wears as little makeup as the producers will let her get away with, who would never be caught dead in feminine jewelry (let alone pearls!), who’s always in jeans and sneaks under her television desk, who gets her haircut with what looks like a Flowbee. Don’t get us wrong — none of that is a dis. We love, love, love that Maddow refuses to abide by the strict beauty rules set for women in our society, especially in our society’s television media. Which is perhaps why this picture is so striking — it’s such a 180 for her, the epitome of the feminine ideal, even today: blonde, long-haired, tan, make-up-ed, and accessorized. We admit, our first reaction was: OMG! But why?

Sex degrees of separation

Article: Sex degrees of separation

We, Em & Lo, worked with and are friends with (and Lo was apt-mates with) Jessica Baumgardner, who married Irad Eyal, which is our connection to the new book “Sex Degrees of Separation.” Irad has just turned his unhealthy obsession with celebrity hook-ups into an exhaustive encyclopedia that combines the idea of “six degrees of separation” and the game “six degrees of Kevin Bacon” with an emphasis on romantic ties and bodily fluids. Any “Us Weekly” subscriber (that would be Em) will be awed and amazed by the scope of this book, which includes extensively diagrammed connections between everyone from Paris Hilton to Diddy to, yes, Kevin Bacon. The graphic designers must be relaxing in a mental institution after this complicated project, which Irad compares to untangling a thousand iPod headphones that have been in your bag for a week.

Our favorite dandy, Sebastian Horsley, died

Article: Our favorite dandy, Sebastian Horsley, died

After both of us were on vacation for a week, pretty much avoiding all news and headlines, we were shocked and saddened to receive an invitation to a funeral this morning for an acquaintance we didn’t even realize had died: UK artist, writer, self-proclaimed dandy and all-around nut, Sebastian Horsley. For a second we thought this might just be another one of his twisted art projects (like being crucified in the Phillipines), especially since the funeral invitation came with the following footnote:

The funeral will be filmed, by attending you give permission for your image to be used for possibly future commercial purposes (i.e. documentary and/or the film planned about Sebastian’s life).

That’s so very Sebastian, the eternally shameless self-promoter. But alas, it appears there are too many news reports for it not to be true.