No, seriously. We know this sounds like something straight out of The Onion, but a team of urologists in Brazil actually studied this. One theory on the connection is that sex with animals could cause micro-injuries to the penis, a well known risk factor in the development of penile cancer. You’d think you’d have to survey, like, millions of men to find this kind of connection, right? Turns out, in rural Brazil, not so much. The researchers studied just under 500 men, 118 of whom were penile cancer patients – the rest had healthy schlongs. And here’s where it gets crazy: 45% of the penile cancer patients reported having sex with animals, and 32% of the healthy men admitted to bestiality. Yes, you read those numbers right: 45% and 32%. For the discriminating zoophilia fan, it turns out that the kind of animal you schtup makes no difference to your penile cancer risk – mares, cows, pigs and chickens – they all popped up in this survey.