Paula Froelich

Paula Froelich is the New York Times best-selling author of the debut novel, “Mercury In Retrograde.” She is best known in New York for being the deputy editor of the New York Post’s gossip column, Page Six, where she worked for ten years until June, 2009. She was also a correspondent for “Entertainment Tonight” and “The Insider” from 2002 to 2006 and has appeared as a guest on “The View,” “Real Time With Bill Maher,” “Today,” “Good Morning America,” “The Early Show,” “Entertainment Tonight,” Extra” and “The Howard Stern Show,” and currently blogs for SUNfiltered and the Huffington Post while working on her next novel.

Avoiding Fashion Week and dreaming of Eminem

Article: Avoiding Fashion Week and dreaming of Eminem

The man of my dreams—Eminem. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/GETTY IMAGES)
I had this crazy dream like a week ago — two of ‘em actually. The first one was more of a realization. I woke up in the middle of the night and was like, “Damn. I’m gonna be busy next year… So I better get some traveling in!”

The other one, also random — involved Eminem, of all people. I mean, huh? I don’t even listen to or think about him. Must have heard his song somewhere — like the time I was in K-mart and heard a lovely muzak version of Richard Marx’s “Ocean’s Apart.” Had a dream that night that I was at my mom’s dinner table introducing Richard Marx as my fiancé. My mother kept looking at his mullet with a hairy eyeball and my sister leans over and says, “Richard? What’s your last name again?” and as soon as he says “Marx,” I woke up to her mocking laughter in my ears. I didn’t go to K-Mart for a long time after that.

Nobody actually works in LA

Article: Nobody actually works in LA

No one works, they just create traffic jams. (Photo from RESPRES’ Flickr.)
OOOf. It has been a while. My bad. Truly. I was off in New Orleans hanging with hunky Bayou Boys for a story on BP and the conmen living on Flotels for AOL… Then went to LA to hang with my sisters and tape the voicing for the animation on my MTV show, Grits. LA is so funny. Everyone either thinks I’m going to move there or have already moved there. Which is weird as LA is like my personal purgatory. You try finding someone in that town who isn’t a “producer” (scam artist), “model” (pretty girl with no job), “actress” (hooker), or “realtor” (see model). It’s pretty damn hard. What other city has traffic jams at 3 pm on a Tuesday? No one actually works there! (Says me, typing that shit in and noting the irony).

Strippers, hookers, mud wrestling… My kind of shit

Article: Strippers, hookers, mud wrestling… My kind of shit

Photo from the Louisiana shores (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images) Karl is once again furious — I went back to New Orleans… without him. I was going down to check out the BP command center outside of Houma, LA, and do some digging around — I had heard stories of strippers, hookers, mud wrestling… you…

My Randomly Fabulous Week

Article: My Randomly Fabulous Week

Actor Stephen Lang with brother, ‘I Have A Dream’ Foundation Founder Eugene Lang, attend the 2010 ‘I Have a Dream’ Foundation Spring Gala in NYC — June 2010. (Photo by Mark Von Holden/Getty Images) This week has been so random — yet kind of fabulous. Last week, I drove out to Rutgers University in the car…

When I do trashy, I do it right!

Article: When I do trashy, I do it right!

Rickey Medlocke and Gary Rossington of Lynyrd Skynyrd (Photo by Larry Marano/Getty Images) Ooof! So, it’s been a week — sorry ’bout that. I think Gay Pride killed me.  I was still feeling the spangly effects over the 4th of July, which, incidentally, was done red neck style! I decided to bugger off down to…

Where have all my trannies gone?

Article: Where have all my trannies gone?

Tell ‘em. (Photo by Ben Hider/Getty Images) Oh lordy. Am still dying — went to Gay Pride Parade the other day and am still reeling from the amount of sequins, Lady Gaga, bare boobs, hot pants, no pants, assless jeans and feathers! I wore my GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS tee (gotta support!…

Yep, That's Right… My Ass is an Oil Painting

Article: Yep, That's Right… My Ass is an Oil Painting

Glorious, no? To bare or not to bare, THAT is the question! Ha. So, I did it. I posed naked. My pride made me! My ex, Les Rogers, has a huge show at Haunch of Venison, July 7, and as we are besties (and I don’t have an office job), I always go see him…

I, a Jew, will miss Helen Thomas

Article: I, a Jew, will miss Helen Thomas

Helen Thomas — You will be missed… If only by me. OOooof… what a week! I got my ass chewed out on Facebook for saying I would miss Helen Thomas… Okay. Half of what she said was pretty indefensible (I am of the mind that Israelis should, indeed, stop building on settlements. However, I do…

Eurovision: There's a Reason it's Called Euro-trash

Article: Eurovision: There's a Reason it's Called Euro-trash

A streaker (center, wearing a red cap and a t-shirt reading “Jimmy Jump”) appears on stage as Spain’s Daniel Diges performs. (Photo credit: DANIEL SANNUM LAUTEN/AFP/Getty Images) So last Saturday I put on my sparkliest pair of pink hot pants, paid a cab with a three dollar bill and sat under a tree full of…

Mark Zuckerberg is a Wiener and the BP Oil Spill Sucks

Article: Mark Zuckerberg is a Wiener and the BP Oil Spill Sucks

A sign warns the public away from the beach on May 23, 2010 on Grand Isle, Louisiana. With oil covering many of the beaches, officials closed them to the public indefinitely on Saturday. Officials now say that it may be impossible to clean the coastal wetlands affected by the massive oil spill that continues gushing…

Fun Facts from a Certified Cynic

Article: Fun Facts from a Certified Cynic

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas (left). Justice nominees should henceforth be determined on how well their poker face holds when boredom ensues. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images) Aha! So finally Mercury got the hell out of retrograde — and miraculously all my phones, tv, electronica and communications issues were solved! Seriously. I was having…

Mercury in retrograde: Time for self-medication

Article: Mercury in retrograde: Time for self-medication

You’re letting all the cold air in… I am writing this column from my sofa, under two down comforters because…DAMN! It is cold out! Of course, we get this “never happened before” frigid blast from winters past the week after I put all my fall/winter clothes away. To get to a warm jacket and something…

The Beauty of the Rockefeller Drug Laws and Planning My Redneck Roadtrip

Article: The Beauty of the Rockefeller Drug Laws and Planning My Redneck Roadtrip

Can’t wait to end up in Pigeon Forge — home to Dollywood! Oho — big news on Sullivan this week… the Goonies were busted BIG TIME! Tuesday night the cops swarmed in, blocked off Sullivan and Prince and went to town on the Goonies. The dealers were all up against the wall (very Law &…

Stagecoach Music Festival: A Great Time in the Bowels of Humanity

Article: Stagecoach Music Festival: A Great Time in the Bowels of Humanity

My sister and I at The Oakridge Boys
I spent this week in the bowels of humanity. No — literally! I toodled on out to Palm Springs for the Stagecoach country music festival — Coachella’s redneck sister — with my pal Theano and my little sister Emily. And none too soon.

See, here’s the deal with being single in NYC. You can find your physical type, and you can find your mental type — and never the two shall meet. Trust. I’ve tried. So, being a (physical) lover of very large manly men (and you try finding big manly guys who know how to fix a tire in NYC), I decided why not just wallow in a sea of my physical type and while I’m at it — get to see Merle Haggard, The Oakridge Boys, Sugarland, Brooks & Dunn, Toby Keith, and a whole lot of sweaty cowboys?

More White Noise from the Narcissist Generation

Article: More White Noise from the Narcissist Generation

Lady Bunny — Photo by Charles Eshelman/Getty Images I spent much of last week in three inches of make-up doing my best Lady Bunny impersonation. No, really. I ended up doing LXTV, Joy Behar, Fox Business, etc. and it’s amazing how much make-up they put on a person just so they are “TV ready.” It’s…

On New Orleans and Keeping my Drunk Monkey in Check

Article: On New Orleans and Keeping my Drunk Monkey in Check

Photo by Patrick Semansky/Getty Images What is it about New Orleans that just makes you wanna act like a 25 year old crazed monkey? So I go down to NOLA with my pal G and his wife M last week, because, well, why not? And I haven’t been there since that one time in college…

Back from Passover with Joan and Melissa Rivers

Article: Back from Passover with Joan and Melissa Rivers

Melissa, Sue (in a Charlize Theron inspired homemade outfit), Joan Rivers and me at Seder

So I had to make (yet another) trip back to Cali last week. But the good news is: it was totally disgusting in NYC and LA was sunny and fab! So there, take that, jet lag! And Karl was cool with it because he got to go. He only farted like twice on the plane, but at least he didn’t release the goods — you know, till he got outside. But hey — who am I to judge High Altitude Flatulence?

This time I was out there to shoot a pilot… vaguely along the lines of “speaking truth” — see last week’s blog — although not to Foxxy Brown — pretty much everyone else though. But I still can’t get over Foxxy. Heh. So while I was out there I chilled with my lil’ sis Emily and my big sister Sophie for a night — before heading to (YES THAT’S RIGHT!) Joan Rivers’ house for Passover! O hell yes!!!

Take This Job and Shove It

Article: Take This Job and Shove It

Paula Froelich kisses a giraffe in Kenya

Heh. So. I am trying to get a life. No. seriously. Quit my full time job at the New York Post on July 25, 2009 — otherwise known as “Independence Day” and yes, I played the Martina McBride song over and over as well as “Take This Job and Shove It” when I announced the news. So anyhoo. I have been enjoying life since then — went to Africa, Mexico, Sundance, LA several times, Oscars, you name it. But after a certain point in time, ennui starts to set in along with brain rot. And I will not Brain Rot! Unless, of course, it’s called for.

A Convent, A Church, A Crack House and a Nudist Gallery

Article: A Convent, A Church, A Crack House and a Nudist Gallery

Innocent Karl does not support nudists

I am obsessed with my street. I live on this crazy block in Soho that’s bookended by a convent and a church — with everything in between. And I do mean everything. There’s three restaurants, including a new vegan joint going in next month (Ack! Ew. Vegetarians are bad enough, but vegans? That’s taking shit a little too far!!!); a bar, three coffee shops, a knitting place (I hate knitters. They’re so smug), a quilting place (owned by the knitting people); a cheese store, a meat shop AND… a crack house and a nudist gallery.

Joan Rivers Rocks my World

Article: Joan Rivers Rocks my World

Joan and Melissa Rivers (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)

Post Oscar hangovers are never fun… Trust. I’ve been covering them for 10 years! But this year was different. Not so bad. Even though – let’s be honest, seven days into a nine day journey, you are ready to run for the hill. And by hills, I mean Appalachian, Eastern Hills. Except for the fact that I came back from Rainy LA to monsoon-y New York. I mean… Okay, okay. I got two good days of beautiful Spring weather before my boots were soaked and once again I had to forsake fashion for Tretorn rain galoshes.

Somebody Feed James Cameron's Wife. Seriously.

Article: Somebody Feed James Cameron's Wife. Seriously.

James Cameron with his wife Suzy Amis on the red carpet before the Oscars

Maybe I’m just getting too old and cynical for the Oscars. Heh. When you see Joan Collins out every night, you do start to wonder – what the sam hell is going on? This post will be briefer than the lasts as, well, baby is hungover. Yes, I know. AGAIN. There does seem something so wrong about Oscar week in LA. The abundant narcissism and back slapping is fricking hilarious (“Good Job! That movie you made was awesome! Forget curing cancer – you are the best person alive! Especially because you are so rich and pretty!”).

It’s Hard to be Old, White and Rich in H’Wood These Days

Article: It’s Hard to be Old, White and Rich in H’Wood These Days

PRECIOUS stars Mariah Carey and Gabourey Sidibe, at the Independent Spirit Awards Wow. The last couple of days have been a BLUR… Friday were the Independent Spirit Awards – which rocked. For some reason the gods decided to bless me and my date, Estee Lauder Pres. John Demsey, and sit us front and center with…

Pre-Oscar Parties: A Blur of Vodka, Cigarettes, Lawyers and Space Heaters

Article: Pre-Oscar Parties: A Blur of Vodka, Cigarettes, Lawyers and Space Heaters

Actor Leonardo DiCaprio

When will I learn? Every year I go to LA for the Oscars saying, “I’m not gonna go too crazy…” Right. Because of Mushie (Musharraf) I didn’t get to go to Nicolas Berggruen’s party at the Chateau Marmont – which is a shame. It sounded hilarious. Gerard Butler was there hitting on anything that was an actual woman that moved (what’s new?) while the women only wanted Leonardo DiCaprio. That shit always makes me laugh. It’s like 3 am at a frat party with two targets. And at this point, Gerard Butler is so gross, only the sluttiest of women are into him. It’s been YEARS since 300 and let’s be honest – those years ain’t been good to him (ed. note: Man Boobs!) And Leo? I don’t get it.

Meeting My Mushie

Article: Meeting My Mushie

Sometimes I just sit back and look at my life and giggle. It’s like my life goes from the ridiculous to the sublime – or is it the sublime to the ridiculous?

So, I decided to bail on “Oscar” related things yesterday because: 1) On the Wednesday before Oscars not much is really going on, and all the real peeps are home still rehabilitating with ice packs, hoping the Restalyne and botox puffiness will go down by Sunday… AND 2) I got invited to dinner with former (and hopefully future) Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf. I shit you not. Fun fact: I am a Middle Eastern history buff. So meeting Musharraf to me is like a 14-year-old girl meeting the un-married Jonas Brothers.
Pervez Musharraf AKA My Mushie