8 VILFS (Vampires I’d Like To…)


Spike (James Marsters) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård) from True Blood. Don’t deny it, you know you’ve thought about it.

1. Blade (Wesley Snipes), Blade
Yeah, he’s kind of a self-loathing vampire. He also kills other vampires and generally hates them. But he’s very hot and he looks like he would make sweet love while punching bad guys in the face.

2. Spike (James Marsters), Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The epitome of vampire. He’s hot, he wears leather, he’s definitely evil. Or maybe not. He embodies all the things a vampire should—he kills brutally and has lots of sex.

3. Satanico Pandamonium (Salma Hayek), From Dusk til Dawn
Maybe she’s not so hot when she becomes her true vampire form, which is just what everybody’s ex-girlfriend looks like when you tell them to “calm down” (scaly and evil). But when Satanico Pandamonium (Salma Hayek) wears a bikini and holds a big snake, we thought one of three things. 1) Wow, she’s very attractive. 2) Maybe we should work out a little more. 3) Nah, I’ll just get a big snake. We’re pretty sure it’s the snake that makes her hot.

4. Louis De Pointe Du Lac (Brad Pitt), Interview with a Vampire
Take the attractive face of Brad Pitt, the makeup of Marilyn Manson and the hairdo of Mark Wahlberg in Rock Star. This is how Louis looks in this movie, a movie where he kind of/sort of falls in love with a 10-year-old. He also whines a lot and has a lot of uncomfortable tension with Lestat (Tom Cruise). Still, there’s that face…

5. Queen Akasha (Aaliyah), Queen of the Damned
It should generally be noted that while vampire men get to wear cool leather jackets and beat the crap out of people, vampire women to wear bikinis and slink around like sexy snakes. Queen Akasha is no exception. So turn on this movie, you’ll be hard-pressed to stop yourself from thinking, “Take my blood you sexy monster!”

6. Selene (Kate Beckinsale), Underworld
Underworld is about Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and a Lychan being very hot and standing in the rain. The werewolf also has has ripped abs that are so steely, Selene falls in love with them. This is because she has a steely gaze, so she can relate. Who really cares, because Kate Beckinsale’s portrayal of an attractive vampire in leather is what really keeps the plot going.

7. Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård), True Blood
In a show that is filled with some of the most attractive people in the world, you’d think there wouldn’t be a standout. However, if you deny the gorgeousness of Eric Northman, and that Eric is the hottest person not only on that show but also in the whole universe, you are a crazy blind person. Eric Northman, you are simply the hottest person on the planet, and you’re not even alive. Speak your creepy Viking language to us!

8. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), Twilight
“Say it. SAY IT.” That line is as sexy as hell. Also, he glitters. There’s no denying we’d make out with him if we met him at a party.