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The O Awards, the Oscars of sex toys

When AVN’s Novelty Expo (ANE) comes to the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas on September 10 through 12, manufacturers and retailers of sex accessories will come together (probably in more ways than one — after all, this is Vegas and these are sex toys we’re talking about) to pick up new products. Hopefully ANE’s promotional copy is not a reflection of the quality and organization of the actual event weekend: “ANE brings together the latest & greatest items from a ride [sic] range of cutting end [sic] companies.” Joining the festivities at the Rio this particular weekend is the International Lingerie Show, so you get more bang for your buck (oh, the puns are irresistible!).

There will be the floor exhibits (think rows and rows of sex toys stands), seminars (e.g. “Supply=Demand,” “Selling to the Seasons” and “The Fifty Shades Phenomenon — How You Can Ride the Wave While the Surf’s Up!”) and the highlight of the weekend, “The O Awards,” a.k.a. the Oscars of the sex-accessory industry.

Considering the number of nominees in each category, we wouldn’t be surprised if every new product created in the past year is automatically included. Seriously — we find it hard to believe that “Big Cock/Little Pussy Energy Drink” really has a chance of winning in the “Outstanding Supplement” category. And half the lubes in the “Outstanding Lubricant” field surely must have been included for their entertainment value, e.g. Bacon Lube, Boob Lube and Whiskey Dick.

And then there are the nominated items that can shock even the most seasoned sex writers: The first nominee in the “Outstanding Body Care” category is “Below the Belt Tight Ass Anal Tightening Kit.” We don’t even want to know.

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Photo credit: AVN’s Novelty Expo