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Spray-on tans can also kill you, so just get over being pale

As fickle as our culture is, we seem to draw the line at physical well being. That being said, the socially acceptable paradigm has shifted again. Tan colored skin is out. It’s as current as Tara Reid at Cannes, which means it makes no sense, and has no place in the modern world.

According to the FDA, the active chemical in spray tanning, dihydroxyacetone (affectionately known as DHC) has the potential to damage a person’s DNA causing genetic alterations with prolonged exposure of the chemical to any of the body’s membranes. DHC was approved for use in tanning machines, but not in extreme conditions, like the spray booths that have become so very popular with the reality television set that inundate the weekly tabloids with a hue some describe as Oompa Loompa-esque, others – present company included – refer to it as Kardashian chic. Pun intended.

It’s true that the fake-n-bake glamour has reached an all time high within the past decade. One need only type “Jersey Shore” into a Google image search to see the pervasive effects of a trend spread with reckless abandon. But with the advent of FDA’s statement we can only hope our muses embrace a more natural approach to the red carpet. It’s time the quiet pallor of stars like Zoey Deschanel and Emma Stone is embraced for what it is, pretty with a hint of pink. Not everyone needs to look like a citizen of the world with equatorial roots. Unless you’re Jennifer Lopez, in which case it’s imperative to your brand.

And where the too-good-to-be-true spray tan nonsense was a fun, albeit sloppy at times, ride, we’re looking forward to a summer of skin-tone honesty. If you agree, and you care about the lives of our cultural leaders, please use their respective twitter handles found below to make a direct plea to them. How many more tragedies must we suffer before the year is out?  Losing Whitney and Donna in the same year was traumatic enough.

@ParisHilton
@LindsayLohan
@Fergie
@Snookie
@KimKardashian
@RealDonaldTrump