Film intelligence: Deer-ly not-so-beloved

Every week there are dozens of film news stories. Every week, we read them all and bring you the five most important ones in the single most important blog post you’ll ever read (today [at this moment]). This week: Tribeca starts, Cannes prepares to close, and a filmmaker goes “D’oh!” over a deer.

1. A Tribe Called Eca

The 2012 Tribeca Film Festival kicked off in Manhattan last night — not Lower Manhattan, mind you, but whatever — with the world premiere of THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT from the FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL team of director Nicholas Stoller and star Jason Segel. Between now and the closing night film on April 28 (a small but deeply felt indie called THE AVENGERS starring a cast of up-and-coming talent like Robert Downey Jr. and Samuel L. Jackson), New Yorkers will be treated to dozens of premieres, including THE PLAYROOM, a marital drama starring John Hawkes, and EVOCATEUR, a documentary about the life and career of talk show host Morton Downey Jr. Robert De Niro thanks you in advance for your kind patronage. [The Hollywood Reporter]

2. A Cold WINTER

Speaking of Tribeca, one of the early buzz films from the festival is an indie apocalypse picture called FIRST WINTER. The buzz, though, is not necessarily positive. Y’know that disclaimer in the closing credits of movies, “no animals were harmed in the making of this picture?” Don’t expect to see one here. The film is described in the Tribeca guide as the story of a “utopian commune” of Brooklyn hipsters struggling with the harsh realities of winter after “a blackout of apocalyptic proportions;” apparently those harsh realities include killing and eating a dear which, according to news reports, was accomplished by director Ben Dickson by actually killing a deer out of season without a hunting license. “We are idiots,” said Dickson of the incident. Sad and possibly cruel, but hey: at least he was being true to the reality of his dopey characters. [ScreenCrush]

3. Miller’s Closing

Once Tribeca concludes at the end of April, it’ll nearly be time for movie magic on the Mediterranean at the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. The full lineup is still very much tee-bee-dee, but the Closing Night Film has already been announced: THERESE DESQUEYROUX from late director Claude Miller, a member of the French New Wave and former assistant of Francois Truffaut, who passed away shortly after production. The film, adapted from a Francois Mauriac novel, stars AMELIE’s Audrey Tatou as the title character, a free-spirited French woman in the late 1920s who attempts to murder her “intellectually mediocre” husband. Do me a favor: next time you see me, remind me not to let my wife watch this movie. It may hit too close to home. The 65th Cannes Film Festival kicks off on May 16th and runs through the 27th. [Movieline]

4. I Heart Political Biopics

He’s a legendary figure in Rhode Island — speaking of my wife, her family loves to joke about his infamously corrupt political career — and now former Providence Mayor Buddy Cianci is getting his own movie, and he’s got a big-time director involved, too. THREE KINGS filmmaker David O. Russell has officially signed on to direct an adaptation of Cianci’s memoir, Politics and Pasta: How I Prosecuted Mobsters, Rebuilt a Dying City, Advised a President, Dined With Sinatra, Spent Five Years in a Federally Funded Gated Community and Lived to Tell the Tale (the title may get shortened, slightly). Cianci’s second term in office ended when he was sentenced to five years in federal prison for racketeering conspiracy (he continues to maintain his innocence). After his release, he became a local radio host, and is said to be considering another run for mayor. I imagine a handsome biopic from the guy who made THE FIGHTER would make an impressive campaign ad. [/Film]

5. “Bran, do you take this Gelina to be your lawfully wedded cutesy media nickname?”

?They’ve been together since 2005 and have enough kids to make Octomom nervous, but Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are still just plain old (incredibly beautiful, rich, and famous) boyfriend and girlfriend. Or at least they were until late last week, when Jolie and Pitt announced their plan to marry, possibly as part of a brilliant viral marketing scheme for THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT. No word yet on a date or a location, but you can bet that a rabid press corps will let you know about both the instant the happy couple decide. If you enjoy articles speculating how Brad Pitt will wear his hair at his wedding, oh my God you are going to have such an awesome summer. [The Huffington Post]