Given a free pass for a fling, women would call an old flame

We’ve long known that The One Who Got Away makes for great late-night Google fantasies. And that makes sense: you rifle through your memory bank after another bad breakup — or after another inane argument with your spouse — and wonder how life would have been different if you’d stayed with X. Because through your rose-tinted glasses, you forget about how your ex chewed with their mouth open and only remember the grand romantic gestures.

Well, it turns out that women, at least, would turn to an old flame for plain old sex, too. iVillage recently surveyed their married female readers about married sex, and one of the questions they posed was, “If you could have an extra-marital affair with zero chance of your spouse finding out, would you?” (77% said they wouldn’t, 11% said they would, and 13% weren’t sure.) But it was the answers to the follow-up question, “If so, who would it be with?” that really surprised us: more than 40% said they’d choose an old flame. That’s five times more than they’d pick a celebrity, three times more than a complete stranger, six times more than a co-worker, and eight times more than a stranger they see frequently (someone at the gym, coffee shop barista, etc.).

We wish iVillage had surveyed married men, too, because we’re dying to know if the same would hold true of them. Our educated guess is that old flames would be way down the list for men, and strangers or near strangers would be way up the list. Men, are we right or wrong? Also, we’re pretty sure that — and we mean no disrespect by this — more than 11% of men would take the free pass for a fling. Again, men, please correct us if we’re wrong!

So what does this survey tell us? We’re not statisticians — and we’re not sure the folks at iVillage are, either — but from our lay perspective, it seems like the results show that women who crave sex outside their marriage aren’t willing to take a risk on a complete stranger. They crave an emotional connection as much as sexual one, too — or perhaps what they crave is a guaranteed good time in bed. According to this survey, hot illicit sex with a complete stranger isn’t necessarily appealing to a lot of married women — perhaps because there’s no guarantee the guy will be any good, or  that they will connect in bed, or that the woman will be able to climax with him. Oh, and also, men should worry more about their wives’ exes on Facebook than they should about that joke laminated celebrity free pass card or the hottie at the gym.


vintage album cover via flickr