The obvious player vs. the faux-sensitive guy

Sexuality educator Charlie Glickman, who runs the education programs at Good Vibrations (in other words, he’s got serious Sensitive Guy chops), recently published an article on his blog called “Confessions of a Former Sensitive New Age Guy.” He consciously chose to become a S.N.A.G. back in college, and his motives were initially quite pure: he was a waif of a guy who couldn’t figure out how to be a manly dude and so he went for the opposite extreme. Also, after a female friend of his made him follow ten feet behind her while she walked down a sidewalk (to witness the catcalling, etc.), he “decided that if men were causing so much pain to so many people, the ethical response would be for me to become the opposite of that.” But a funny thing happened once he became a fully-fledged S.N.A.G.: he started getting laid more. A lot more. And once that happened, he began to lose sight of why he was being such a decent dude in the first place.

Glickman’s essay is, in part, a response to this Open Letter to New Age Dudes, which rails against man who act all sensitive and feminist — who even try to out-feminist their female counterparts — in order to get laid. Glickman defends himself — and, to some extend, his fellow S.N.A.G.’s — by explaining that even the most genuine Sensitive Guy in the world can lose his way when he realizes how his approach slays the ladies. And Glickman notes that it’s easy to fall into this trap because it’s so easy to be a S.N.A.G.: “All it takes is acting with a little kindness and willingness to listen to a woman to stand out from the rest of the pack. Actually, all a man needs to do is not be emotionally, physically, sexually, or verbally abusive and he’s already ahead of the curve. How sad is that?”

Because we’re in a glass-half-full mood today, we’re actually kind of cheered by this online debate (and yes, we realize that the debate has been going on, in one form or another, for decades). Sure, it sucks that guys pretend to be into equality just to get into a woman’s pants. But we love the fact that this works. Let us explain: We are inundated with letters from guys complaining that they are too “nice” to get laid, that women only love players, that women all want to be treated like shit, that women run away from guys who really like them. And we’re also inundated with letters from women asking how long they should hang around waiting for a guy to call, what does it mean if she doesn’t hear from him after having sex, blah blah blah. We get so many of these letters that we started to assume the entire dating world was like this: guys acting like assholes to get laid and women falling for it.

So we find it incredibly refreshing to hear that guys can pretend to be sensitive to get laid. Because here’s the real silver lining: If pretending to be a nice guy gets you laid, then actually being a bona fide, bring-home-to-Mom, stand-up dude will get you laid, too. Halle-fucking-lujah!

photo via flickr