Weekly movie trailer roundup: Worst poster edition

New movie trailers were a little slim this week, so what I bring you instead are four of the worst new movie posters. Let’s start with my favorite, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCOL. This isn’t the main poster, but one of a series featuring an image of each supporting character with the same slogan, only with Paula Patton here dressed up like a prom queen, the slogan “No Plan, No Backup, No Choice” reads more like an ad for birth control you might see in Planned Parenthood.

Then there’s DON 2, which leads me to believe that this is a sequel, though I have no memory of a DON 1 (or I guess it’d just be DON). Whatever, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that I don’t follow post-apocalyptic, underworld Bollywood flicks. My main gripe is that the poster designers were so excited to show the actor’s face peeking out through a cut-out of an Old English ‘D’ (cool!) that they somehow didn’t realize that part of the letter blocks half the dude’s face.

Moving right along we have THE DARKEST HOUR, which I totally thought was called SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS when I first looked at this poster. And I was like, oh that’s kind of a weird-sounding title. Maybe right now you’re thinking what an idiot I am, but give me some credit. The movie’s slogan is written in a bigger font size and it’s placed way above the title, which gets crammed down at the bottom above the credits. ‘Scuse me for reading top to bottom like they taught us in school. This kind of thing happens to me a lot, actually, like when new books my big name authors come out, and the title of the book is way tinier than the author’s name, and I’m like, Dean Koontz, I thought that was a writer, not a – oh…

This last poster is just sad. Doesn’t it make you sad? The widdle title is so alone in that big black void. But more than sadness it evokes confusion. There’s not even a release date. I mean what is this, a tribute to the original, which by the way, came out in 1987 – way too early for even Jonah Hill (born 1983), one the stars of the remake, to know about without some explanation. Which is why unless the producers get smart and slap Channing Tatum’s dimples on this baby none of his teeny girl fans are gonna know what’s up. If all else fails, though, I could seriously get down with late 80s Johnny Depp in front of some bad graffiti on a brick wall.