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Now that we’ve found love, what are we gonna do with it?

Ah, the inevitable girl-on-gay-boy crush. Distinguished men, and the trade that love us, recognize this scenario? There’s a party, you’re drinking, your best friend—the greatest woman since your mother—is drinking, too. Everyone is having a blast dancing, and tacky jokes keep you laughing. But once you make eye contact everything changes as the hormones responsible for many-a-baby begin to stir in your best girl. You’ve got a crush on your hands, so what are you going to do about it? Coming out of the closet was supposed to have settled all of this. But if you’ve got to deal with it, do it tactfully.

First approach is to try to ignore it without being distant. Sexual politics between gay guys is more relaxed. Unless your best gal is a fast one (as they say), she probably doesn’t engage in intimacy as often as you do. And that’s a safe bet. Still, no woman is an island; can you blame her for inadvertently projecting romantic desires onto you? You’re already her Guy Friday when she’s in a bind. You’d never want to see her with a dirt bag so don’t be one. Continue to act as you normally would. Your consistent presence will help burn through this irrational chemical jag.

If ignoring the elephant in the room doesn’t work, try hashing it out. One of the best things the two of you do is talk…about everything: your feelings, her choice of outfits, your taste in men, her taste in men, etc. You’re the only man that understands her now so she’s going to invest more in you. But be the stand up gay she has counted on for years and address the issue. You can love her without leading her on. Neither of your sexualities are “choices”, remind her not to settle when she can have the whole nine yards, I mean inches. Seven if she’s lucky, really.

Whether you talk it out or brush it under the rug, under no circumstance should you “just kiss and see.” Kissing is cool when you’re both playing around, not when one of your feelings are confused. Come on, you know you’ll probably walk away from that less invested. Without being too gender reinforcing, men like to be a hero for their women. We want to protect and make them feel safe, even if we want to sleep with her brother. But kissing under these circumstances can embarrass or crush her. Don’t be that guy. There are enough straight men out there that are reckless with her feelings.

Your BGF already thinks you’re heaven sent. She loves the man you’ve become over time, and she’s proud to have been part of the process. So don’t throw it all away being irresponsible, cause it’ll hurt her, and she might kill you. And we couldn’t look back and say you didn’t deserve it. Man up!