Some helpful tips for bringing your GBF to Thanksgiving
The holiday season, at heart, is seizure inducing. Family gatherings, while always well intentioned, usually unravel after one poorly timed drink peppered with an insensitive comment. It’s amazing how a single meal can create a yearlong grudge or cold war. But what usually keeps family members in line is some form of distraction, or the prying eyes of a guest. Bringing along your GBF kills two birds with one stone, as long as you both mind the gap between your personal dynamic and the family’s values. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we’re grateful to offer you some tips for bringing your GBF to the holiday table (and gracious guest pointers for the boys).
It’s probably a good idea to have your favorite gay kiss mom, and just shake dad’s hand. Not everyone has the same politics and it’s more mature to tone down the eccentric memes you’re prone to. Your parents might not have as many homosexuals on speed dial as you do, even if they lament the loss of Will and Grace.
Irreverence is a four-letter word. You and your boy who likes boys probably threw good taste out the window within the first five minutes of walking through that suburban door. That’s doesn’t mean your parents, aunts, uncles, and sibling’s spouses really want to hear his snarky take on everything cultural and current. Keep the anecdotes G rated. And for once, if you’re both really trying to make a breathy side comment, use your “indoor voice.” Not to be confused with your Mae West “head voice.”
And while we’re on the topic of acceptable behavior, this is probably a good time to remind your gay that this is a family function in the most literal of senses. Which means he needs to stay off Grindr. We’re sure he’s just curious to see what’s in the neighborhood, and that he’d never really do anything inappropriate while you were surrounded by your kin. But why take chances. Grindr, off!
Bringing home a gay husband is better than not bringing a husband at all. So he may be queer, so he may be better dressed (even if he did help style you), your parents will feel more comfortable knowing you’re not completely alone in life. Because, apparently, being single means you’re broken on the inside and that damage had to have happened early on in life when the only real influences were your parents, and it just gets uglier and uglier and more real the longer they think about it. Best to just bring the BGF and ask if he’d like to carve the turkey. You’re actually doing your parents a favor.
An all new season of GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS is ON! Tune into Sundance Channel on Fridays at 9 PM et/pt.