And now for something truly terrifying

Halloween is a week today, so we guess you’ll be thinking one of two things: Either, “What’s a cute Halloween couples costume for me and my sweetie?” Or, “Which fake monster vagina should I have sex with on Halloween – the zombie vagina or the vampire vagina?” No?

Well, just in case you change your mind, it turns out that The Alien Fleshlight has released four special edition, Halloween-themed toys, called the Fleshlight Freaks series. You know the Fleshlight, right? The basic model is spooky enough; It looks kind of like a flashlight filled with Play-doh, only you’re supposed to stick your dick in it. Anyway, if that model is a bit ho-hum for you, you can now experiment with vaginas belonging to these fictional beasts: a vampire, a cyborg, a zombie, Frankenstein’s monster (or rather, the vagina of the bride of Frankenstein) and an alien. But guess what? We’re so not going to review these products for you. We don’t even want them arriving on our front door step. But it turns out that the good folks at Fleshbot aren’t so squeamish, in case you’re curious.

(And for the record, we know that plenty of you find matching couples’ Halloween costumes almost as terrifying as fake monster vaginas.)