When public proposals go wrong
As we’ve said here many times, we’re massive FAILblog fans. We think it’s hilarious when people fall down (so long as they don’t get seriously hurt), especially if it happens at a wedding or when they’re trying to act sorta cool. When shit goes wrong and someone happens to capture it on video, the Internet gets a little happier. But there is a sub-genre of shit-going-wrong videos that makes us clench our buttholes, and not in a good way: When a dude gets down on one knee and proposes in public and his girlfriend says no (just Google “proposal gone wrong” if you’re not familiar with the genre).
This was humiliating enough back before the Internet, when a guy’s rejection could be witnessed by a stadium of sports fans or strangers on a sidewalk or his entire extended family at a Thanksgiving dinner. But now his humiliation can take on a life of its own, making people across the globe cringe or (if they’re not as nice as we are) laugh out loud.
What makes a guy so misinformed about something so big? So sure that she’ll say yes, when, in fact, she puts her face in her hands and runs away? Is it the same willful denial that lets him believe that the woman he’s hitting on in a bar actually wants to talk to him? Studies have found that men are inclined to misinterpret signals from women. Or is it in fact a subconscious means of forcing her to say “I Do,” because she wouldn’t dare reject him in the middle of a busy food court at the mall, in front of all the grandparents, would she? Would she? In some cases it’s just one big staged event to make the Internet a happier place (Lo is convinced the above video is fake), but even this surely reflects the very real humiliation of public rejection for a rare, but growing (thanks to the web) breed of guy.
Sure, you might say that anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to propose in a food court deserves to be rejected, but not everyone is as classy as you are. And besides, maybe the food court was where their eyes first met over an Orange Julius. Stranger things have happened.
Men of the world – and brave women who choose to get down on one knee – a word of advice: If you’re going to propose in public, be advised that someone will be recording it, and if your honey says no, it will end up on the Internet faster than Anthony’s wiener. Bearing that in mind, you might want to consider something a little more private. The Internet might miss you, but we’re sure there’s a cute panda somewhere out there about to sneeze.