blog

Feature Menu

They want your business: vote for America's Best Bathroom

A Swarovski-studded toilet: this shit’s gonna be good.

As any New Yorker knows, a good bathroom is hard to find. In the city, it’s a downright precious commodity. Remember how in the “Seinfeld” reunion in the last season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” George gets rich after creating an NYC bathroom finder app? Having that knowledge at your fingertips really is a million dollar idea. While running errands once near the MoMA, I made a slight detour into the museum where I used my membership only for access to one of their toilets. That’s right, on this visit no art was viewed. I just had to pee.

Usually, hotels are the best bet and everyone knows Starbucks is the go-to city toilet, which is why there’s almost always a long line. And with so much traffic they’re barely a step up from the city ordained public bathrooms. No joke: the porta-potty’s in Prospect Park are officially cleaner, better stocked and better smelling.

People who live in most other cities aren’t confronted with this dilemma on an almost daily basis, but speaking as a New Yorker, I’m kind of really excited about America’s Best Bathroom Award. It’s currently in its 10th year, which means that for nine years I was unaware of this amazing honor. Hall of Famers include restaurants, movie theaters, airports, hotels, universities and casinos from all over the country. Next time I’m in Arkansas, remind me to drink a bottle of water and stop by the Fort Smith Regional Airport.

Unsurprisingly, no New York establishment has ever won. But this year’s our chance! We’ve got two chances, actually. Among the ten nominees is the rustic chic baño at Habana Outpost in Brooklyn and the ninja-themed WC at the ninja-themed Manhattan restaurant, Ninja. This place is designed to look like a replica feudal-era “Ninja Castle,” where real ninjas get pissed off at each other and fight around diners. Their bathroom is equally serious, with seat warmers, built in bedets and butt dryers, which are basically blow dryers for your ass. What, you didn’t think ninjas actually used toilet paper, did you?

You have until September 19th to vote for your favorite.