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Ludo Bites a buffalo

Watch LUDO BITES AMERICA Tuesdays at 9P

More mouthwatering bon mots from guest blogger Zach Golden, the creator of the incredibly popular website, What the Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?

If you have an aversion to things getting shot, things getting skinned, hearts being eaten or French chefs, you may not want to continue. Or you may want to, we really don’t know each other that well, but consider this your formal warning.

Locavore. I’m not sure that there’s been a more annoying word since “foodie” or anything Rachel Ray has ever said. But linguistics aside, knowing where our food comes from is hugely important. In this Ludo Bites America, Ludo wants to cook some buffalo, but not some crappy store-bought stuff. So he goes to a game preserve and caps a buffalo (that I’ve named Mark Ruffalo) in two shots, a move he clearly learned in the mean streets of Burgundy. But then, in homage to the Indians, he skins it and takes a healthy nibble of the dead Mark Ruffalo’s heart. Respect, Indians, respect.

So how far is too far in this locavore thing? If we find ourselves with a hankering for chicken, should we go to the coop guns blazing (or, you know, strangle one)? Probably not. But that begs the question, is what Ludo did admirable, despicable, or somewhere in between?

Ludo’s desire to know where his Mark Ruffalo meat came from in such a way that he must stare death square in the adorable yet kind of terrifying face: Admirable. If you’re eating meat an animal has died, and to take the middleman out of the equation reminds us of that.

Going hunting in a game preserve: Despicable. They really should call that a food preserve, I didn’t see a viable getaway plan for poor ol’ Mark Ruffalo.

Skinning Mark Ruffalo: Neutral. You’ve gotta get that delicious buffalo meat somehow, and in the spirit of honoring both the Indians and Mark Ruffalo, that would make a really, really nice rug.

Eating the heart: Neutral with strong despicable leanings. Look Ludo, I’m sure the Indians and Mark Ruffalo appreciate the gesture, but I’m not buying the whole Indian thing here. I know that it makes for a great Halloween costume (couples costume suggestion: Sacajawea and Lewis, everyone knows Clark was playing third wheel) and that you look great with a feather in your hair, but the whole shoot it with a big gun in a giant open field thing doesn’t seem to sync up. Also, I believe that Indians prefer to be called Native Americans, but clearly you’re way closer to them than I am.

Overall: Admirable. The whole target practice hunting aside, Ludo did the dirty work himself and paid homage to Mark Ruffalo by creating an amazing dish that makes people happy. Also, he didn’t use the term locavore once, so really he could have rocket-launched that thing and I wouldn’t have complained.

What do you think? I sincerely want to know because you’re immensely interesting and I pay attention when you talk.

Hungry for more? Tune in for a cross-country road trip with celebrity Chef Ludo Lefebvre as he reinvents American cuisine. LUDO BITES AMERICA airs Tuesdays at 9p on Sundance Channel.

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