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A mobile app with a higher purpose than iFart

If using your mobile phone to simulate fart noises or fake an incoming call to escape a blind date are beneath you, try this one on for size: Researchers in the UK are working on a technology that would allow you to self-diagnose STDs on your phone. If you think you might have an STD, you’ll be able to pee on a computer chip about the size of a USB key (seriously, you pee on it… saliva will do in a pinch) and then plug that into your phone or computer for insta-diagnosis. The plan is to sell the chips in vending machines in night clubs, right next to the condoms, tampons, and mini sex toys (yep, those forward-thinking Brits already sell sex toys in night club vending machines, bless ‘em).

The app is still in development, but researchers hope it will encourage STD awareness amongst people who are too embarrassed to ask their doc, “Does this look infected?” (But not too embarrassed to pee on a computer chip in a night club bathroom stall, we guess.) Of course, most STDs have an incubation period of weeks or even months — i.e. it takes that long after contracting the STD for you to test positive for it — meaning you can’t exactly have sex in the night club stall then pop out to test yourself. That’s what condoms are for, duh. But we have to cheer on the Brits for bringing STD talk into the dating scene where it belongs.

GIFT IDEAS FROM EM & LO:

STD toys by Giant Microbes