Yet another reason we're glad we were '80s children

Remember back when Madonna was first huge, in the ’80s, and girls who wanted to be just like her wore black rubber bracelets up to their elbows and multiple crucifixes, even if they were Jewish? It seems almost quaint now that girls are wearing imported, illegal contact lenses that may damage their eyesight, just to look like Lady Gaga. (She wears them in her “Bad Romance” video.) The lenses cover not just the irises, but also part of the whites of the eyes, giving girls a wide-eyed, innocent, anime look — the eyes look impossibly large. Yeah, we all looked like idiots in our ’80s Madonna get-ups, but at least there wasn’t a chance we’d go blind from it. Geez.

Even more depressing, this is just one more body part that young girls now have to feel insecure about (remember when we were all pretty content with the vagina we were born with?). “Pretty eyes” used to be the fat girl’s consolation prize. But now she won’t even take that compliment to heart. It’s like someone is actually conspiring to turn us into grouchy old ladies.