Where have all my trannies gone?

Tell ‘em. (Photo by Ben Hider/Getty Images)

Oh lordy. Am still dying — went to Gay Pride Parade the other day and am still reeling from the amount of sequins, Lady Gaga, bare boobs, hot pants, no pants, assless jeans and feathers! I wore my GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS tee (gotta support! — that, and I did the viral thingy for it, so…) and brought crazy Sundance Gigi with me, who, just as we were leaving drawled, “Oh mah gawd — I just took a Xanax instead of mah Lexapro!” And thank God for that, because Gigi wouldn’t have lasted a nanosecond without that Xanax. Fo’ reals. We stationed ourselves right by the Stonewall (natch’), surrounded ourselves with some tall friendly gays who let us smaller people get up front for a good look and then…the naked lesbians came by… freaking the fuck out of ol’ Gigi. “Oh Mah Gawd! (her favorite phrase) They aren’t wearing shirts!” Gigi was confused as she thought it was the “Gay Pride” parade — and was thus wondering what “all those ladies” were doing there as — “gays are guys!” I had to inform her that indeed, lesbians are considered to be gay people and that, technically, there were going to be a lot of… other people than “technically gay men” in the parade.

We eventually left as the crowd got a little hot, sticky, nasty and pushy. But not before seeing the Peru float (AMAZING! GO PERU!), the FDNY and the Firefighters (all 10 of them). Seriously, those are some brave peeps. I’ve dated some firemen and damn. It would be hard as hell — literally not figuratively, get your mind out of the gutter! — to be a gay fireman. Most of those dudes are Roman  Catholics from Staten Island, the Bronx and places where it ain’t that cool to be a ‘mo.

But I would like to ask — where have all my trannies gone? Seriously — there were a few, but dang, NYC is supposed to be the epicenter of the movement, the talent and the costumes (just ask any merchant on 38th street)… So where were they? Just sayin’…

Otherwise, I have been obsessed with the World Cup. A few observations:

1. Why does every member of the England team either look like he’s A. mildly retarded (Rooney, you know who I’m talking to!), B. a cheese monkey or, C. a lager lout?
2. Why am I not so shocked that Landon Donovon may have a love child with some chick in England (seriously — those women over there ovulate at the smell of a soccer ball).
3. Where the hell is instant replay? Why is FIFA not using it? They’re clearly employing blind refs…
4. Anyone with the last name of Boateng rocks my world.
5. Poor Mexico. Cuz you KNOW those drug lords in Tijuana ain’t gonna be happy about losing their bets to Argentina.
6. FYI: I hate the gym. But I LOVE working out to the World Cup. I apologize to the people on the machines next to me though. As any of my exes can tell you — I’m a screamer.