Perverse "Twilight" merch

From the “why didn’t we think of that?” department: Salon recently put together a slide show of the strangest “Twilight Saga” merchandise out there — most of it disturbingly sexual, especially considering how little sex there is in the series (and what sex there is, as you probably know, is utterly disappointing). There are condoms (for those vampires who aren’t Mormon and don’t have to wait until marriage), a dildo (related in name only), an Edward Cullen tampon carrying case (from Etsy, natch), the Edward Cullen “Manllow” (the TwiMom’s version of a Real Doll), Twinklight (gay Twilight porn), and the shameless “Edward Prefers Cougars” line at Cafe Press. These are the kinds of monstrosities that get created when sexual tension doesn’t have a healthy outlet.