Dating advice for the Giving Tree's abusive relationship

How did we manage to miss this totally awesome quote from Ryan Gosling? In an interview with New York magazine about his upcoming movie BLUE VALENTINE (opening later this year, it’s a portrait of a marriage, co-starring Michelle Williams), he’s asked about his character’s tattoo of Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree on his arm, and replies: “That book is so fucked up; that story’s the worst. I mean, at the end the tree is a stump and the old guy just sitting on him — he’s just used him to death, and you’re supposed to want to be the tree? Fuck you. You be the tree. I don’t want to be the tree.” Now we can’t decide which we love more — Silverstein’s book or Gosling’s quote about it.

And now the YouTube character “Sassy Gay Friend” has jumped in to set the Giving Tree straight, with a little advice about how to get out of the “abusive relationship.” In case you’re at work and can’t play the video, here are some of our favorite bits:

Giving Tree: He needed my branches to make a house.

Sassy Gay Friend: Yeah, and the guy from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS needed fat girls’ skin to make a flesh suit. It doesn’t mean we give it to ‘em!

Sassy Gay Friend: This is turning into a snuff film. You’re going to end up a stump.

Giving Tree: Yes! And he’ll come back old and tired…

Sassy Gay Friend: And what? You’ll let him sit on your face? Gross! No!

Apologies if we just dirtied your night-time story hour with your children, but it had to be said. And if you’re a glutton for punishment, then check out Flavorwire’s list of 10 Kids’ Book Heroines Who Need a Sassy Gay Friend Intervention.