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The Beauty of the Rockefeller Drug Laws and Planning My Redneck Roadtrip

dollywoodCan’t wait to end up in Pigeon Forge — home to Dollywood!

Oho — big news on Sullivan this week… the Goonies were busted BIG TIME! Tuesday night the cops swarmed in, blocked off Sullivan and Prince and went to town on the Goonies. The dealers were all up against the wall (very Law & Order!), undercover cops were roaming everywhere and the front door to the drug den was busted in.  The neighbors and I of course were all hanging at the coffee shop with a big bag of popcorn — seriously. Live entertainment doesn’t get much better than this! The son got carted off to jail where, if he gets busted again, he will stay forever due to Rockefeller drug laws.

I never thought I’d be in support of Rock drug laws, but damn. It’s the third time he’s been busted for the same damn crime. At some point, don’t you think you’d be like, “Hmmmm… they may be on to me”?  “Maybe I should try a different line of work”? I’m just sayin… It was even more creepy because the family is a bunch of hoarders too — seriously, the first floor rooms — before they put sheets up in the window — were full, floor to ceiling, with crap. Serious fire hazard!

And the next day, the Goonies customers were wiggin out. Apparently their busiest hours were from 6am — 11am. Wednesday morning there were a bunch of distraught crackheads roaming Soho — and a bunch of them were wearing chefs pants. Who knew? I just want to know what kitchens they work in… eck! Chunk was screaming on the corner and Sex Act Diane (SAD) — the old school Soho hooker who lives across the street from the Church — was wandering up and down the street twitching while telling everyone, “They (the Goonies) are going back to Portugal where no one bothers them! They’re in jail!” Seems to me, Portugal’s kind of a creepy place. What with Madeleine McCann, the Goonies and talk of child porn rings. They need a good PR team — stat!

In other news: I think I have a wart on my left thumb, ick. That, and the Redneck Roadtrip which my family goes on every year will take place in Kentucky and Tennessee this year.  Karl, Emily, Daddy, Aunt Dee and Uncle Jimmy and I will all pile into Aunt Dee’s mini van and drive from Cincinnati to Mammoth Caves, KY — to Nashville and end up in Pigeon Forge, TN — home to Dollywood and formerly Twitty City! Oh HELL yes… Pigeon Forge has the most airbrush t-shirt centers  and mini putt putt courses per capita in the US. How could you not have fun? Daddy had to swear off drinking and cigars, due to adult onset diabetes, but he says he’s gonna cheat on that trip. Of course, I could always roofie him. Last year we went to San Francisco and Uncle Jimmy was convinced “the gays” were trying to get him with, “You look like Steve McQueen!” You know, if you’re drunk!