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Mercury in retrograde: Time for self-medication


You’re letting all the cold air in…

I am writing this column from my sofa, under two down comforters because…DAMN! It is cold out! Of course, we get this “never happened before” frigid blast from winters past the week after I put all my fall/winter clothes away. To get to a warm jacket and something that doesn’t resemble a handkerchief would require some major lifting and dealing with some rabid fuzz bunnies under my bed (I have a cleaning lady – bless her heart – who doesn’t clean below knee length or over head length. I can only break up with her when I move. Which, at this point, will be never).

I am now on a self-imposed alcohol ban – brought on in part thanks to my pal Rob – a Brit. Naturally, it would take a Brit, not a cowboy, or a New Orleanian, to make me realize that I am in fact thirty something and my liver is furious with me.

I think I was self-medicating due to Mercury in retrograde. And I’m not talking about my book (which comes out in paperback June 1! Buy the must read of the summer, now cheap because it’s paperback!). Seriously. All communications were… off. Things broke. And the jeans I bought at Uniqlo weren’t the right size.

I decided to pretty much hide out for the last week of the Retrograde with Karl on the sofa. The weather also convinced me. But through my grouch, there were some positive happenings! Elena Kagan was put up for the Supreme Court (Am totally on Team Kagan!); went on Joy Behar show despite yammering about nonsense again (Betty White – totally cool! Tiger Woods – faking it! Seal and Heidi renewing their vows, again! Hold my hair while I puke!); And am thinking about doing another India trip. Perhaps Darjeeling in June? Sounds nice, eh?

But seriously. Have started on my third book: “We All Win In The Special Olympics.” A Dating memoir. Or Memvel/Novoir. After all, it cant be strict memoir. Everyone’s memory is different, you know! I have chapters like: “Redneck Welcome,” “Brokedick Mountain,” “Bleeding Jesus,” etc. It will be fun as hell. If I figure out where it’s going. Kind of like this week’s column! So. Until next week, when I hopefully, will be in a sundress….