Mark Zuckerberg is a Wiener and the BP Oil Spill Sucks

A sign warns the public away from the beach on May 23, 2010 on Grand Isle, Louisiana. With oil covering many of the beaches, officials closed them to the public indefinitely on Saturday. Officials now say that it may be impossible to clean the coastal wetlands affected by the massive oil spill that continues gushing in the Gulf of Mexico. (Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

Oof! What a week! It’s interesting — to have several projects in the works and to have to wait til June (one more week) to see what’s happening. So. Until then, I decided to, well, not be myself. Heh. I let my cleaning lady go — and cleaned my apartment myself. Now, for many people that’s not a big deal. For me, it’s huge. I literally spent the last four days washing walls, cleaning floors, dusting, rescuing dust balls the size of Karl (and setting them free in the trash) and cleaning out my closet. I still haven’t finished the closet. I’m sharing my bed with a mountain of clothes right now. Karl got lost last night under a sea of dresses waiting to be re-hung. He’s still furious — literally, seething. He’s sitting on my grey chair in a ball, staring at me in fury. I’m half-expecting a grudge poop to emerge later today. We’ll see.

I’ve been catching up on the news and cooking. Turns out, I’m pretty good in the kitchen. Who knew? Well, except for the elusive poached egg. Went through four of those this morning and kept fucking it up. So I ate my sausage and… that’s it.  Sigh. Meanwhile, more random observations. Mostly regarding TV News.

Mark Zuckerberg is probably the most annoying guy on the planet. He’s like that kid you wanted to punch in the face repeatedly in the fourth grade. And his voice is like nails on a chalk board. Or a bad satire of a computer geek.

The BP oil spill sucks. And I’m pissed at Obama. There, I said it. What’s funny, is everyone is furious at BP — when we should be pissed at the legislators and MMS. Not to mention, let’s look at Shell. Who has these amount of spills almost every year in Nigeria. Can you imagine living in a place where six BP spills happen a year but no one cleans up like they do here? No wonder those Nigerian Delta rebels are so pissed.

I’m done with American morning shows. The Today Show actually had a fashion segment where they said, “don’t throw away your paperclips, shoelaces and coffee stirrers (I’m not shitting you! THIS IS WHAT THEY SAID!) — we’ll show you how to make them into hip jewelry!”… and then proceeded to do a kindergarten-esque segment on how to make (hideous) jewelry out of crap. I was like, “Damn. So that’s what these execs think of the American public? Wow. They think we’re either A. retarded, or B. have the same interests and spare time of a five year old. And someone got paid for that segment!” I love how all those people think they’re journalists too. At least in England they call them “news readers” or “presenters” rather than journalists. Journalists out there should be pissed. What happened to real intellectual curiosity?

So. Now, I tape the BBC world news at night and watch it in the morning. Much better. If I was in control of one of the 2 hour morning shows at CBS or ABC, I’d get rid of all the tampon segments that no one really wants or cares about (the female-friendly segments, like: Cooking in five seconds! How to talk to your children! Look sexy in two seconds or less!), and do a full two hour news segment. After all, there’s a reason why NY1 gets more viewers than some of the national shows…