More White Noise from the Narcissist Generation

Lady Bunny — Photo by Charles Eshelman/Getty Images

I spent much of last week in three inches of make-up doing my best Lady Bunny impersonation. No, really. I ended up doing LXTV, Joy Behar, Fox Business, etc. and it’s amazing how much make-up they put on a person just so they are “TV ready.” It’s funny, because you sit in a hair and make-up chair for 40 minutes feeling like a dog at Westminster (“Oh, this hair! Let’s curl it!”, “Darling, your face just eats blush!”, “Mmmmm. This eyeshadow will go nice with that dress!”) for 3 minutes of going on air and spouting nonsense. Seriously. The topics last week were: Oprah v. Kitty Kelley — “Will Kitty’s book affect Oprah?” (No); Men v. Women — “Do men cheat more than women and why?” (Who cares? Tiger Woods is still an asshole); and my favorite: Airbrushing — “A new celebrity trend?” (Vomit).

Intellectually it makes me giggle, because producers talk about “having air time to fill”, which means anything goes. Literally. Yet everyone takes themselves so seriously. Like they’re changing the world by getting people talking. But there’s just so much talking. And bells. And whistles. And horns. And dogs. Anything to capture someone’s attention for five minutes while the Nielsen counter racks up the numbers. Which is why I have decided this week to do them all a favor and wear a bikini on set. What better  way to help them capture attention? “Who’s that chick in a bikini? She has a big nose, but who cares? Look at that ass!”

Ok, so maybe I won’t. But it does make me laugh. I’ve just started calling us the “Narcissist Generation.” Everyone is so important, you see. And with Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. we can all get our views out there simultaneously until the cacophony drowns all else out. And no, I’m not being a hypocrite. I’m on those things too. But it does concern me, as I blow my hair out for another inane televised conversation — that perhaps we’ve all just gone a bit too far? That we’re so used to blathering out anything before we think, that it’s all become some sort of white noise. And whoever says it the loudest, while making the funniest quip, gets the job…

Even our leaders and politicians are retardedly self-absorbed. Gone are the days of Howard Metzenbaum. Now, we have Bill Clinton who, in an otherwise eloquent op-ed in the New York Times on Monday about the danger and power of words to action, insisted on inserting a paragraph abut how he personally strengthened the nation (lo, those 12 years ago). Because, God forbid, we should forget about him and his achievements! (This from the same man who, on the night of the primaries, as the numbers rolled in, allegedly kept asking, “How many of those people voted for (Hillary) because of me?”). Very Andrew Cuomo in the days of HUD.

So, all this being said, I am going to end this and go back to blow drying my hair, Facebooking my status updates, Twittering about how much I hate Target and wondering if my next book will indeed change the world.