Back from Passover with Joan and Melissa Rivers

Melissa, Sue (in a Charlize Theron inspired homemade outfit), Joan Rivers and me at Seder

So I had to make (yet another) trip back to Cali last week. But the good news is: it was totally disgusting in NYC and LA was sunny and fab! So there, take that, jet lag! And Karl was cool with it because he got to go. He only farted like twice on the plane, but at least he didn’t release the goods — you know, till he got outside. But hey — who am I to judge High Altitude Flatulence?

This time I was out there to shoot a pilot… vaguely along the lines of “speaking truth” — see last week’s blog — although not to Foxxy Brown — pretty much everyone else though. But I still can’t get over Foxxy. Heh. So while I was out there I chilled with my lil’ sis Emily and my big sister Sophie for a night — before heading to (YES THAT’S RIGHT!) Joan Rivers’ house for Passover! O hell yes!!! The quick version: Moses had a lisp, Elijah was drunk and I got to take home a bag of plagues and a JRC (Joan Rivers Collection for the uninitiated) crystal necklace — boo yah! The long version (for anyone who cares): The Daily Beast – My Seder with Joan and Melissa Rivers. And you know me — I love a gift bag!

Frodles (Karl) and I flew home Wednesday morning (note to self: do NOT under any circumstances book a 7am ticket out of LA when you’ve stayed up till 2am the night before). Ech. But damn did I get good timing — the second I got back to ol’ NYC the weather warmed up and I was in heaven. I was also oddly in demand. LXTV wanted me on to — get this — talk about “why women over 35 like men who are chubby and not super hot.” I was like, “Well, I dated a Gucci model once and he had dead cat fetuses in his fridge (true story!) and then there was the hot bald fireman who was monosyllabic at best.” The hot fireman was amazing — I would walk into parties and all the women would drool and say, “Where’d you get him?” But then he’d open his mouth. That, and he had a waterbed with a bleeding Jesus crucifix over it. Scaaaary! Of course, I was no peach either. Heh. I do have Karl, after all. But, it made me start up the book (about dating) again. Possible titles: Dating BlindI Fell Asleep With Gum in My Mouth or We All Win In The Special Olympics! I swear — it’s better than it sounds.

So this week I’m back on LXTV and possibly “The Early Show” — before I toodle off to New Orleans for 3 days with some pals because why not? My dad of course is freaked about me in the “city of Sin” but he’s freaked by everything. When I went to India the first time he sought out some mercenaries in the back of Soldier of Fortune “just in case you’re sold to the white slave trade. These guys’ll go in, get you out, no questions asked!” So I got that going for me.