The wisdom of Corey Haim

We were too young to realize it at the time, but Corey Haim’s LUCAS (1986) showed us exactly why the band geek makes a better boyfriend than the captain of the football team. Rest in peace, Corey Haim — you may not have been the most eloquent cast member of the reality show The Two Coreys, but the wisdom of your characters continues to ring true. Here are our top ten favorite on-screen Corey moments — heavily favored toward LUCAS, of course. What can we say? That kid was a hero:

1. From LUCAS (1986)

Maggie: You know how wonderful you are?
Lucas: Yeah, but it doesn’t turn you on, does it?


Bobby [Corey Feldman]: Dinger! Dinger, wake up for a minute. I gotta talk to you, Buddy.
Dinger [Corey Haim]: Bobby, I’m asleep. I’m fast asleep, Bobby. I’m dreaming. Apache women. Mai-tais. Vanna White and a whip.
Bobby: I’m in love.
Dinger: That could be a problem.
Bobby: I don’t think you understand.
Dinger: No, no, I do understand. I really do. Which hand is it this week, pal?

3. From LUCAS (1986)

Lucas: If you’re so depressed, how come you’re eating pizza?

4. From Lost Boys (1987)

Sam Emerson [Corey Haim]: So where’re we going?
Michael Emerson [Jason Patric]: Nowhere.
Sam Emerson: So what’s the rush? You’re chasing that girl aren’t you? Come on, admit it. I’m at the mercy of your sex glands, bud.

5. From LUCAS (1986)

Lucas: They say that aggression is an expression of sexual feeling.

6. From Me, Myself and I (documentary, 1989)

Corey Haim: “What does kissing really mean to me? To me, if you feel, when you kiss a girl, that certain feeling of all those dolphins, like, swimming through your bloodstream, and you get those good tingles inside your stomach, I don’t think there’s any better feeling. It basically comes down to that word: Love. I guess that’s what it’s all about.”

7. From LUCAS (1986)

Lucas: Are you referring to the size of my penis?
Bruno: Yeah, I am.
Lucas: With a flaccid penis, it’s the number of folds that count. Besides, I’m not semi-erect like some of you guys here.
Bruno: What did you say?
Lucas: A University of Chicago study. You can tell the fags in a warm shower by who’s got the longest dong. Hey, yours seems to be growing even now.
Bruno: The hell it is!
Lucas: It IS, look!


Bobby Keller: [Corey Feldman] Heh… that’s how I laugh… Heh!
Dinger [Corey Haim]: What the hell is heh? Why can’t you laugh like a man?

9. From LUCAS (1986)

Lucas: I guess everybody has their own idea of fun. Some people go to football games. Other people do less superficial things.
Maggie: Look, just because you don’t approve of something, doesn’t mean other people don’t have a right to enjoy it. You’re in the band aren’t you?
Lucas: Yeah?
Maggie: So?
Lucas: So?
Maggie: So the band goes to football games!
Lucas: We’re totally different!
Maggie: Why?
Lucas: Because the band does not have fun there!

10. From LUCAS (1986)

Lucas: You can’t ever make me quit, EVER!