Shacking up for the Oscars: Botox, Boytoys and Big Parties

Actresses Marcia Gay Harden and Susan Sarandon at the 2004 Oscars. Woof.

So. My liver finally recovered from Sundance – just in time for the Oscars! Oh Yeah! And without the altitude to help… Well: the upside is: less High Altitude Flatulence (you know who you are!!!!) but the downside is: the alcohol content in California is considerably more potent than Utah (note to self: no more Dark & Stormy’s!).

I knew it was going to be a good trip when I got on the plane (God bless Virgin America). Seriously – why did I ever fly American??? They have free internet, nice stewardesses and no one was sitting next to me, so in between bouts of TV-watching I passed out cold across three seats. Sorry about the drool. My bad.

And I have to say: I love LA in the run-up to the Oscars. You can’t get a dermatological, eyebrow or hair appointment for your life! Everyone’s getting nipped, tucked, stuffed, and plucked for the big day – and they need to make sure the swelling goes down by Sunday. A few people (ahem – Marcia Gay Harden – ahem) several years ago got too much botox and Restalyn before the big day and couldn’t move for the life of them. Scary. It’s like Nicole Kidman, who I just call the Dean of the Egyptian School of Acting – you know, because of burqas in the Egyptian soaps, the women can only act with their eyes. Very dramatic, I assure you!

And the parties have started. Last night Nicolas Berggruen had his soirée at the Chateau, tonight is the welcome party for the Indy Spirit Awards – aaand (get this!) it’s a ping pong party held by Susan Sarandon and her new boytoy, Jonathan Bricklin. You know, the 32-year-old guy she started hooking up with after she dumped Tim Robbins? Fabulous! Now, I’ve never been a big ping pong player – nor did I buy into this whole “ping pong is the next big thing” – but come on… how randomly fabulous is an Oscar ping pong party???

On Friday are the actual Independent Spirit Awards downtown…and I confess: I am going to miss the Santa Monica hangar. It was just so…chic to have the awards on the ocean. And then you could always nip out for a ride on the pier. Sigh. That night is also Bryan Lourd’s big CAA party. Saturday is Barry Diller’s big luncheon – last year I spent pretty much the entire time with Kurt Anderson and his wife Anne, who are amazing company. I just want to know if Jim Wiatt is invited this year now that he’s no longer head of William Morris.

And then of course, there’s Sunday. The Oscars. E! is having a party which should be fabulous in a Jersey Shore kind of way. Elton John and In Style are having their big shindig (side note: I get to see Elton again! Yippee! Reunited and it feels so gooooood……), and Vanity Fair is throwing their party at the Sunset Tower – the chic-est hotel in the universe. I’m staying at the Sunset Tower right now, and it’s pretty funny to watch the VF team and their “War room” – they take it all so seriously! It’s a party folks! Heh.

Tonight: I had to cancel all plans for a super secret assignment. I’ll fill you in tomorrow. It’s not necessarily Oscar related, but it’s just so random and über fabulous I had to take part! More later…