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Your sex-related new year's resolutions

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photo via Foxtongue

Who said that a new year’s resolution had to involve giving up something you enjoy? Rehab is for quitters! Here’s a novel idea: take on some booty-related resolutions instead. We’ve compiled two lists of resolutions, depending on whether you’re single or loved-up. Learn them, live them, love them…

If you’re in a LTR (or monogamish)…

  1. No more faking in bed. And we don’t just mean orgasms–no more pretending that you like something you don’t, either (“Oooh yeah baby that feels so good when you yank on my pubes”). For inspiration, check out all the real orgasms at Beautiful Agony.
  2. Vow to never ask yourself, “Is this normal?” in bed.
  3. Phone sex — just do it. (You can baby-step your way there via dirty talk and text-sex.)
  4. Share a new fantasy out loud with your partner. If you’re feeling shy, create a fantasy suggestion box.
  5. Lube, it does a body good.
  6. Don’t always wait to get into bed together to have sex — nookie before a dinner date is vastly underrated.
  7. Compliment his penis/her body on a regular basis.
  8. Make a little more noise during sex to show your appreciation.
  9. Do you crave sleep more than sex? Then institute an afternoon nap to save your sex life.
  10. Spend at least one evening a week without your partner. (Appointment TV doesn’t count.)

If you’re single (or singlish)…

  1. Santa was a prude? So treat yourself to a new vibrator. May we suggest the gorgeous Nea?
  2. Find a new fantasy to masturbate to. Don’t share it with anyone.
  3. If you always use a toy, try rubbing one out with your hand instead (may we suggest lube?). Because you never know when you might get horny during a power cut.
  4. Speaking of: masturbate at least once a week, no matter what kind of partner activity you’ve got going on.
  5. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel good naked (a gym membership, better lighting in your bedroom, new matching bra and undies set).
  6. A daily dose of fiber will keep things tidy, ensuring that you feel more comfortable having all your orifices explored.
  7. Go on at least one blind date a month (Match.com, friend set-up, mom set-up, CrazyBlindDate.com, CougarDate, etc.).
  8. Vow to discuss sexual history and protection with a potential partner before bumping uglies (yep, before even dry-humping).
  9. Don’t lie to get anyone into bed (unless it’s in response to the questions, “Is this the smallest penis you’ve ever seen?” Or “Do you wish I had Jessica Alba’s butt?”).
  10. Four words: disposable vibrating love ring. They only last for about thirty minutes, but then again, so do some of your flings.

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