Most useless iPhone app ever claims to rate your sex life

Maybe we’re just jealous because we’re still trying to come up with an iPhone application that will make us millions while we sleep (why oh why did we not come up with iFart first?), but we think that the new Passion iPhone app that scores your boinks has about as much to do with good sex as a fart joke. We admit that we haven’t road-tested the application — $4.99?! Are you kidding? — but this description tells us all we need to know: The timer measures duration, the microphone measures orgasm, and the accelerometer (the iPhone’s built-in motion sensor) measures activity. In other words, an hour-long jack-hammer-style session that leaves a woman yelping in pain from the genital equivalent of rug burn will be a big winner! Same goes for that Meg Ryan wannabe who fakes her way through three octaves. (And yes, there’s a “high scores” board if you want to brag about that rug burn.)

Okay, okay, we have no sense of humor and this app is just a joke that’s meant to appeal to the flatus-obsessed masses who plonked down 99c for iFart (a relative bargain, by the way!). But, come on, we find it hard to believe that’s the best the iPhone can do when it comes to sex. (If you want an example of app genius, check out Balloonimals app — you actually have to blow on the screen the inflate them!) And yes, that’s an official Em & Lo challenge that we just issued. Go head, blow our, er, minds. In the meantime, we’ll be cracking up at fart sounds.