Sex sells…anything

Pubic hair dinner plate by Ana Mir

This collection of 32 unnecessarily naughty products proves that any product you can possibly think of can be made X-rated. We understand the market for gimmicky bachelor and bachelorette party favors, but sexy stained glass and cookie jars? Now that’s just plain wrong. Is nothing sacred anymore? And actually, most of the items on this list aren’t even novelty crap. Of course there’s the obligatory sexist sound system, the hairy bush change purse, and the plastic pole dancer alarm clock (which we kind of like for its potential Pavlovian effect — imagine the alarm clock owner visiting a strip club and every time a stripper grinds up against the pole, he feels the urge to go home and take a cold shower).

But the majority of the offenders are actually high, um, “art.” Like sperm wallpaper, the Karl Lagerfeld breast bowl, or this plate with a faux stray pube on the edge, presumably so you can sit around the dinner table and say, “Waiter, waiter, there’s a pube in my soup!” Oh, the hilarity. (That joke’ll set you back $90 per plate at the MOMA gift store. We shit you not.)

The worst idea of all, however, has to be the kitchen utensils that double as sex toys. Sure, we’ve all appropriated a kitchen spatula for an impromptu spanking session. But for the most part, we think tools should be single-purpose only. Do you really want to prepare a meal for your mother-in-law using your dildo? And don’t get us started on what happens when you cook with red hot chili peppers…