End of an Era: Now What?
Transitioning from a President George W. Bush to President Barack Obama is going to be a huge deal for this country, but Bush is still in office for another two-and-a-half months. In the meantime, we all have the opportunity to practice our ability to transition from chaos and fear to peace-of-mind by taking the proper steps to ease out of the election cycle and back into real life.
Here are some tips to help you in this transition:
1. Stop watching the news, start watching The Hills
The Hills is a reality-television program produced by MTV, the network that brought you The Real World and all those Snoop Dog music videos in the early nineties. Watching this program will quickly remind you that not every minute spent in your day has to be productive, class division in this country is probably a good thing, and that it’s possible to not care about too much other than your clothes and who your friends are kissing.
2. Start writing Obama jokes
For those of you who would kill to have a career in comedy—television, stand-up, whatever—you may not need to break the law to make your dreams come true. The industry is desperate for jokes. Everyone is scrambling to fill the impending joke deficit that Bush will leave behind, and they’ll take anyone who can figure out how to crack the code for Obama humor.
3. Shop at the Obama Store!
If you’re low on cash (and I don’t know how you couldn’t be) and need fail-proof Christmas gifts for your loved ones, go to the Obama store [store.barackobama.com], they’re having a major sale! Not only can you score coveted fear at 50 percent off, but no one can trash your gifts because they will say “Obama” on them. Who’s gonna hate on him? You can call them collector items and people will probably think you spent twice as much for them (they way people are spending $200 for the Nov. 5 New York Times on ebay).
4. Hang out with your liberal, activist friends again (without feeling guilty)
Everyone has them, those friends who would travel to a swing state every weekend to volunteer for the Obama campaign, or those who up and left their jobs and homes to take up residency in a swing state or in Chicago to work at the Obama headquarters. Yeah, those guys who had a knack for making you feel totally crappy about yourself for not doing those things (even though you probably had a “real job with real responsibilities”). Maybe these friends even pressured you into phone banking for a day or donating the money you were going to use to pay your utility bill this month, but no still, there was no way you were going to be as good as them. Well no more running from your activist friends! Now we can all hang out without it being a do-gooder competition. Yeah, sure, they may give themselves more credit for Obama’s win than they’ll give you, but most likely they’re so giddy and feel-goody from handing out “Unity” pins for six weeks that they’ll just demand a group hug and buy everyone drinks.
5. Take a personal day for introspection.
I actually think this is a good idea. And you can probably get Obama to pick up the tab. His campaign encouraged people to ask their bosses for Election Day off so that they could volunteer. I think it’s completely reasonable to assume that from now on, the Friday after elections, would be a paid holiday called National Don’t Do Shit Day.