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Eleven Ways McCain Could Win the Election

1. Tina Fey replaces Sarah Palin on the GOP ticket

2. The Weather Underground bombs the NRA headquarters

3. Whoever it is we’re fighting in Iraq surrenders in the next two-and-a-half weeks

4. One of Obama’s daughters gets pregnant

5. The Viet Cong attacks the United States

6. An Obama sex tape is discovered

7. A Palin sex tape is discovered

8. A DNA test reveals that Obama is not only half black, but also half robot, therefore disqualifying him

9. Bill Clinton gets a blow job and we all find out about it

10. Bush endorses Obama

11. Cindy McCain threatens to stop distribution of Budweiser to all Americans if they do not vote for her husband

–Jamie Wong