Al Qaeda Wants to Party with McCain

One of the more annoying myths in the Republican lexicon was the claim that “al Qaeda wants the Democrats to win so they’ll surrender.” The meme first showed up in the 2002 mid-term election and peaked in 2004 with the bin Laden “October Surprise” video, before being met with diminishing returns in 2006. At its core was the basic misconception that al Qaeda wanted our “surrender,” and would laugh sinister laughs and twirl their moustaches deviously as Democratic candidates running for local, state and national offices gave it to them, bunch of peacenik candyasses that they are. This is all fine and well if you’re stupid, but doesn’t accurately reflect the situation. The reason we were attacked on September 11, 2001; the reason bin Laden blasted Bush on video days before the election; the reason al Qaeda agrees with Bush that Iraq is the “central front in the war,” is that al Qaeda wants to fight to fighting’s sake, the longer and bloodier, the better. They knew Bush would give them what they wanted. They know a Republican will give them what they want.

And they’re not even being coy about it anymore. []

“Al-Qaida supporters suggested in a Web site message this week they would welcome a pre-election terror attack on the U.S. as a way to usher in a McCain presidency.

The message, posted Monday on the password-protected al-Hesbah Web site, said if al-Qaida wants to exhaust the United States militarily and economically, “impetuous” Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is the better choice because he is more likely to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“This requires presence of an impetuous American leader such as McCain, who pledged to continue the war till the last American soldier,” the message said. ”

War: What is it good for? For al Qaeda, it’s good for business. They couldn’t have asked for a better recruitment tool than George W. Bush, and the longer the war(s) in the Middle East continue, say 100 years or so, the better chance they have of picking up a country or two in the ensuing chaos. Between Obama and McCain, al Qaeda knows where its bread is buttered. Republicans also need a perpetual enemy, and while Putin would make a good foil, he’s got nukes and stuff, so Islamic terrorism suffices nicely, and the whole brown-skinned thing just makes it easier. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

After all, when you’re trying to keep the party going ALL NIGHT LONG!!! WOOOO!!!, the last person you want behind the bar is the sober-minded teetotaler. You want the pugnacious erratic guy who’s doing kegstands and singin’ about bombs with some librarian MILF talkin’ about inviting Iran and maybe Russia to the party and DOIN’ THIS THING UP RIGHT!!! PARTAY!!! GO MCCAIN! PARTAYYY!!!


– Michael Turner