Football and Beer

The American public is dangerously uninformed. This is the only conclusion that can be reached after a recent AP / Yahoo News poll [] showed that, albeit by a narrow margin, more people would rather watch a football game with Barack Obama than with John McCain. If one safely assumes this would include drinking beer, then it’s clear that the public has not fully thought this through.

Sure, Obama actually plays sports, and frequently winds down his busy days by relaxing in front of the TV, watching ESPN’s SportsCenter, but that’s beside the point. The poll did not specify where the average person would watch the game with the respective candidates. Perhaps they assumed the candidates would come to their house, apartment or double-wide trailer. This is highly unlikely, as both men are busy running national campaigns. It is more reasonable to assume that the game-watching would occur at the candidates’ home, and therein lies the flaw in the poll. Barack Obama has but one home, and while it’s nice enough, it cannot compare to John McCain’s nine (or more) luxury houses []. Valet parking, rooftop edgeless pool, sundeck and spa, steam and massage room, 50” plasma TV; would anyone turn down the opportunity to watch the game in these surroundings with a septuagenarian who’s likely to fall asleep during halftime? And if beer is the preferred beverage of football-watching, how could the poll’s respondents overlook the fact that McCain’s wife is a beer heiress? It would be like watching the game with an uncomfortably smiling St. Pauli girl in a $3,000 frock.

If Americans are to speculate about how much they would enjoy an event that has absolutely zero chance of actually taking place, it’s crucial that they take into consideration all the tangible benefits they won’t enjoy.

– Michael Turner